5 Overs for 2025

Pacers finished the Knicks Saturday night to make only their second NBA Finals appearance in their existence. My dad called the Pacers winning by 20 points, spread was Pacers -4. Siakam winning Eastern Conference Finals MVP and the team advancing to the Finals had some incredible futures.

It’s been a great story, but the ride ends in Oklahoma City with a gentleman’s sweep. The end can’t come fast enough either. I’m ready for football. I’m not sure how many more podcasts I can stand without listening to Cousin Sal or Shea in Irving lament the Cowboys. Or Bill Simmons exclaiming the Saints are the new 99 Rams.

SGA, Haliburton, or Giannis trade destinations aren’t doing it for me. Neither’s another Pablo Torre “investigation” into Bill Belichick where Pablo denies his interest in their age difference while spiraling into the same depravity as Belichick. No more farewell pods or Youtube homages for Inside The NBA. It’ll be back on ESPN (unless they fuck it up). I just can’t do more of these…

Ok well maybe more pods about Zion’s rape and abuse allegations. The man’s a victim of hubris, pussy, and Popeyes. A combination I can almost understand. I too get high and mighty about my cats and fried chicken.

No! I’m ready for football! And I’m ready to be wrong and hurt again!!! Let’s do some fucking futures baby. I’ve got two teams who’ve been good to me, two new teams I’m falling in like with, and one team that keeps shoving a freshly sharpened Ticonderoga up my ass each year. And yet… I CAN’T QUIT YOU!!!

We are NOT going 8-8 again!!!

Los Angeles Rams, Over 9.5 Wins
Rams have been 10-7 two years in a row and this improving roaster gave the eventual Super Bowl champion Eagles all the could handle in the divisional round. The year before the Rams almost beat a red hot Lions squad. Rams get the AFC South this season which is at least three easy wins (Colts, Titans, Jags). I like the Rams to win at least 10 games and make another run all the way to lose in the NFC Championship, which you can get on Draft Kings at +850. Love that value. You can get over 9.5 at around -150.

You’re not you when you’re sacked

Carolina Panthers, Over 6.5 Wins
After their week 11 bye the Panthers started showing signs geniune development. Carolina gave the Eagles and Chiefs a hell of a fight, took their rival Buccaneers to OT, and eliminated the Falcons from the playoffs. They finished 5-12, but Bryce Young showed the team and every Ringer employee he was no bust. The draft proved the team has invested its future into Bryce. Outside of their division, the schedule isn’t rosey. Drawing the AFC East won’t be easy with the exception of the Dolphins. Even the Jets with seemingly legitimate head coaching will be a long day. But they do get the Jaguars in the opener. 7 wins for a team that covered 5 of 7 game spreads against several playoff teams after the bye piques my interest.

I’m Vita Vea’s replacement (in two years)

Tampa Bay Buccaneers, Over 9.5 Wins
I admit, the Bucs are a weird fucking team. They were 4-6 going into their bye week and had lost 4 games in a row. Maybe they spent their bye on Isla de Muerta to pick up cursed gold cuz those guys went 6-1, if not for the Cowboys, the rest of the way. They lost to an incredible Commanders team in close fashion who went on to the NFC title game. The prior year also had a 4 game losing streak which was matched by a 4 game winning streak and a hard fought division round loss against the Lions.

The Bucs snagged WR Emeka Egbuka in the draft for the future with veterans Mike Evans and Chris Goodwin nearing the ends of their careers. CBs Benjamin Morris and Jacob Pariah fill needs in an always injured secondary force to call upon the practice squad. Oh! And they signed 6′ 6″ 464 LB undrafted free agent defensive tackle Desmond Watson, the heaviest player in NFL history, destined to replace Vita Vea.

Head Coach Todd Bowles told ESPN’s Jenna Laine “to judge him right now is very early, and we didn’t get him for the tush push — we got him because we really thought he could play.” Bowles continued “right now, we just have to see how long he can stay on the field, andnput him on a program where we think he can make some progress.” Watson still needs to make the roster but he’s slimmed down 27 LBs while in rookie mini-camp. I’m clearly way too invested in his success.

This team has veterans under contract, except Evans who is entering his final year, and bunch of young new players. 10-7 again in a division they’ve won two years straight makes a lot of sense. They’re by far the most stable franchise in the division too. Where things might go off the rails for this team though will be weeks 16 and 18 when the Bucs play their rival Panthers twice in three weeks. Those games will likely decide who wins the NFC South. Until I see someone consistently beat them for the division I’ll stick with the Bucs.

CJ? More like JC!

Houston Texans, Over 9.5 Wins
The CJ Stroud and DeMeco Ryans Texans regime finished it’s first two years losing in the divisional round to the well established Ravens and Super Bowl champion Chiefs… But apparently they’ll have to prove themselves to Mt. Carmel High School coach Diante Lee.

Anyways… I’m feeling pretty good about my Texans PROVING themselves to ole Diante, a man with more football credibility than anyone I’ve ever known, after going 10-7 (and hitting the over) two seasons in a row. Just to appetize even more, you can get the over at +100. They’ll taste the AFC Championship this year (+950). Two years of close losses in the Divisional they’re ready for the next logical progression. They’ve continued to draft well adding WRs Jaylen Higgins and Jaylin Noel, and resigning key contributors to the team.

The strength of schedule for the Texans is middling amongst most evaluators, although I see this schedule in the top third of difficulty. The NFC West is a clunky division with the Rams looking to make another run, an aging but retooling 49ers, and two pretty beatable teams in Seattle and Arizona. Not fun to have to play the Bucs out of conference, Ravens, and everyone in the AFC West, my pick for toughest division. Still, 10 wins getting to play the Colts, Titans, and Jags is likely 5 to 6 wins right there. They should at least split the NFC West. Maybe even split the AFC West. 10 wins should be easy money at +100 with a PROVEN track record.

Jim Harbaugh: “I’m just here so I won’t get fined.”

Las Vegas Raiders, Over 6.5 Wins
Maybe this will be the year I won’t thrust another pencil up my anus after another lost Raider season. No, this year does indeed feel different. The hiring of GM John Spytek and Head Coach Pete Carroll states an organizational goal of regaining credibility and respect in this league. New minority owner and Mark Davis whisperer Tom Brady provides stability at the top this team lost after Al Davis just simply got too old. Gruden had the team moving in the right direction before Daniel Snyder allegedly leaked his emails to the New York Times.

Since their Super Bowl loss to the Buccaneer the Raiders have only had two seasons of note. Both of which ended with Derek Carr breaking his fibula and Derek Carr mismanaging the end of game clock versus Cincinnati. I don’t give a rat’s ass what anyone thinks, if Carr just manages the clock correctly Raiders win that game. Cincy went on to lose in the Super Bowl.

This new administration completely fabrises the stench of Antonio Pierce, Josh McDaniels, Carr, and Gru who returned to the FFCA feeling nicey! Spytek spent his first draft truly building a team from both need and value. Admittedly I didn’t love the Jeanty pick at first; however, you combine him with the best quarterback they’ve had since MVP Rich Gannon, incredible skill players lead by Brock Bowers, and an improving line with LT Kolton Miller and C Jackson Powers-Johnson there’s enough talent (finally) to be a serious threat on offense every Sunday.

Funny how Geno Smith hasn’t even taken an in game snap and I’ve already anointed him the best Raiders QB since Gannon. That should tell all you non-Raider and Saint fans what it’s like living in QB mediocrity-hell.

Raiders added WR Jack Bech from TCU in the second round who will immediately contribute as a rookie both inside and out. By seasons end he’ll be the number 2 receiver. The Raiders used their high end picks to accumulate more picks which they used to bluster both sides of the line and the receiver room.

Regaining credibility is the prime objective this season. Raiders shouldn’t be favored in most games but I’m calling a split in the AFC West with all their rivals in the back half of the season (hopefully fucking over the Chiefs in the regular season finale). We also get the Bears, Titans, Browns, Giants, Jags, and Cowboys at home. For some reason we’ve been a thorn in Dallas’s side over the past few years.

There’s a clear road to 7 wins for this squad looking to gain back the honor to which their used to mean something in this league. There’s gonna be an upset win against a playoff team I can’t predict. Mostly, I just don’t want my hemorrhoids popped by lead point again.

Win Total Data: Vegas Insider

Hollywood of My Mind

$26 grand slams, legal weed shops, and no free parking available… LA gave me a proper homecoming. Now I never lived there, but like an OF model I’ve been paying the city of angels with my love and credit card all of this century.

Many times I end up in Hollywood, usually out of convenience for a show in the area or just killing time before a show or game. The scenes on the starry streets leap straight out of Shaun of the Dead. Daywalkers with selfie sticks chronicling their experience to the world while those who truly live on the street pass through by like a fart.

Glad to see Karen Bass’s signature homelessness program working so well while every police cruiser passed by dudes pissing on the street or just laying stone cold over The Rugrats star.

Here we see a couple of Asian influencers illuminating their presence outside of Amoeba Music

While in LA the guys helped me discover my new alter-ego… Sebastian, The Influence Hunter!!! Like Steve Irwin and Sir David Attenborough before me, I was put on this earth to track down some gorgeous influencing mate! And Hollyhood didn’t disappoint.

All’s I need is a Crocodile Hunter outfit and a… Selfie stick… To make my videos. I imagine myself running around in short shorts opining about influencers in the wilds in a butchered Australian accent.

My time was too short in La La Land. The boys and I could only workshop the idea for so long. We had to go waste our paychecks at Amoeba. I should consider myself lucky I can aimlessly spend $100+ each time. I have to say I always pull a gem or two. My first time there I got Fang Island’s Major for $5 and Joey Bada$$’s 1999, which I didn’t immediately realize was an unofficial pressing.

Only thing Amoeba needs to work on is a public toilet… I know, I know… Asking for a shitter in the city that shits all through the night on the stars’ walk of fame… I know, but still. I must have farted like twenties in that bitch before we finally left. Thankfully my guys were also farting all over the movie aisles.

I highly recommend The History of Farting by Benjamin Bart and its companion The Future of Farting. The perfect leaflet for any guest lavatory.

Speaking of shitters, that was the only perk we got at Slideaway Fest. We were under the impression paying for the balcony seating… Since no individual seats were for sale at the time, meant we’d be sitting, since we’re in our 30’s. We’ve been through the wars. We’re tired. Lazy.

Anyways, Slideaway Fest. I would’ve bet the shirt on my back after seeing the merch line for Whirr and Nothing we’d have no shot at anything being left over. Still, like idiots, we waited in line through Swirlies and Swervedriver (didn’t miss any of there set though) just to maybe get a shirt or a sticker. Give’em and give us credit, they had enough of everything to go around.

Long night, but fun to see these bands with my friends. Last time I saw a show with them must have been Swanfest in 2019 or maybe Aftershock sometime before that. Lucky to have seen Swirles and Swervedriver who don’t tour often.

Saw Nothing at the Soda Bar back in 2018. Weird show. My roommate and half the crowd left when Nothing was about to go on. Seemed like there was something personal against Nothing that day. Culture Abuse broke-up in 2020 after lead singer David Kelling admitted to sexual misconduct allegations. Idk you be the judge I guess. All I know is Nothing kicked ass that night in 2018 and at Slideaway. Blue Line Baby blow the dome off the Palladium that night.

Whirr, the headliner, a band many at the show had never seen live before, myself included, gave their fans all the merch, vinyl, tik tok hits, and songs from their days in Modesto they wanted.

Can’t bitch much about their setlist. Starting with Leave, their first song/demo/single, into Collect Sadness from the latest record, followed by an Eyes Wide Shut backtrack into Mumble. Collect Sadness has barely been out for 6 months and it’s definitely a top 3 Whirr song for me. Strong first 15 minutes followed by mostly Feels Like You and Raw Blue tracks.

I’ll post their setlist below, but damn I have very few notes for these guys. A few notes though. Switch out Crush Tones for Days I Wanna Fade Away. Crush Tones is a fine song but reminds me of [Insert Movie Here] pee break scene.

Wavelength, while popular, only makes sense between Mellow and Younger Than You on the album. Switch that one up with Rental. No idea how the whole Whirr discord feels about Rental but the demo and studio versions gaze the fuck out. Listen to that one after a few drinks or a gummy.

Last but not least, they finished up with Younger Than You followed by Mellow. Switch that up. Mellow bleeds into Younger Than You beautifully. Also it’s their best song in my opinion. Best way to close out a set.

Kris Ain’t Dunn!!!

If I’m lucky, maybe, just maybe, my blogging career will see the same resurrection from the League to G-League AND back to the League like the Clip’s Nacho Ball! I assumed Kris Dunn had retired or been voluntold of his retirement until a few weeks ago. The man had only one timberwolf claw (he was drafted by the T-Wolves almost a decade ago [this joke failed]) left until Danny Ainge shipped Dunn off to finish assembling the pieces of the Cooper Flag tank puzzle. But here he is! Two games in a row Nacho Ball has slowed down Jamal Murray like the itis from minor league velveeta cheese. Perhaps my writing will lock down some music reviews and hit the occasional popular culture reference. Or maybe just beat Christian Braun’s ass.

I feel bad for only sitting on my ass tonight watching Jokic and Kawhi throw rocks at each other for two hours. My wife is too busy saving lives to text me back. So I’ll keep typing away.

When you’re obese, sometimes you just crave cookies, but not from Crumble. Paying $12 for a cookie is fucking stupid. Have I done it? Sure. Did I do it alone, absolutely not! I’m not trying to eat some art like Francis Dolarhyde. I’m here for the goddamn sugar, butter, and spending $70 on vinyl from Taiwan.

The shipping from Taiwan to Texas was almost as much as the record itself, but well worth the batter for the needle drop. Shout out to Marina who found this collaboration between Hyukoh and Sunset Rollercoaster. She’s now one of my Super Best Friends of music nerds. Instagram’s algorithm on point.

I’m not here to scribe a sophisticated review. I scoped it out on Spotify first but digital doesn’t do the analog justice. You have to pay those shipping fees, even if you have a basic stereo setup like I do, to fully appreciate the collaborative craftsmanship and labor of love in these eight tracks. There’s no linear style or singular theme. “Y” builds on a triumphant late 70’s rock lead with brass backing while “Glue” vibes like an indie jam at Bonnaroo. My favorite though “Aaaannnnteeeeennnaaaaaa” was made for Speaker City. There are no earmuffs for Kris Dunn, Jamal. Happy Dingus Day!

Photo: David Zalubowski (AP)