travel – Disaesthetic

Welcome to Dryden

After 12 hours of delay, $60 in Uber rides, and whole day of wasted vacation I made it to Ithaca.

We spent Sunday hanging out at home with quick into town for breakfast and warmer coat for me to sport while I’m here. The drastic difference in weather bewilders me. It’s been snowing all day, yet it’s bearable conditions for the community.

The cold immediately whips your face when you step outside. My nose felt like it was cracking Saturday night waiting for my ride to fetch me. Thankfully I’m here and enjoying my vacation far, far, away from work with my girlfriend. Last night was nice just hanging out playing Pokémon while she finished some work.

She goes to class during the day which allows me time, and no excuses, to scrub down my to-do list. Hanging out on a university campus and atmosphere influences some working honesty.

At home I get distracted so easily. I find ways to waste a whole day doing nothing I’m proud of. I’ll have time for productivity and fun this week.

Comfort at Home

My goal is to feel ready to go back to work and face the rest of the year by the time Friday morning rolls around. I need to set some short term goals for the next few months along with some longer term, perhaps, life goals.

I met with a team lead from a department I’m interested in working last week. We had a really nice conversation and hit it off really well. I keep find I’m kindred spirits with each person I met from the group. The phrase came up again with her, unsolicited too.

It seems like a fit but how do I break through the barrier?

The key is to not get ahead of myself and start imagining working there full-time. First just get some exposure, if possible. Shadow over there first. Make sure it’s something I want to do while at the same time making a contingency plan with my supervisor.

My primary goal this year is to advance beyond my current position and department.

Ideally I can get on this urgently, fresh from vacation, when I return home. Finally I feel a bit of clarity in wake of floundering through a gloomy fog.

There’s a long list of albums I’ve started to eat through while typing my hopes and dream away.

Gave Artificial Selection another chance before going to Swanfest next month. It’s much better than I remember. I got burnt out on Dance Gavin Dance after I went on a 6 month bender with them. Collected 3 LPs and saw them twice in that time.

This version of the band found its best formula on Mothership stepping up tablature heat index on this outing.

Saying it’s more of the same is a bit dismissive, yet it’s no different from when I roll down to my taco shop and order the same shit every time. Carne Asada fries always taste great and never surprise me with declining flavor.

I’d have to ask for something new, and unknown, for a fresh experience, which I won’t ask of them or DGD.

Similarly Parquet Courts developed a popular sound receiving more publicity with Wide Awake! They’ve released 6 albums yet I only found them last year. Originally from New York City, their taste for 70’s art rock isn’t all too surprising except for the briefness in which it’s done.

Call it post-punk, garage rock, whatever, they’ve dialed into an easily understood rock sound which elicits movement. The guitar distortion sounds purposely lofi for an artsy aesthetic but serves to energize, not overwhelm, the funky rhythms.

While it’s definitely a hipster’s delight, I don’t see myself listening to Wide Awake! again; however, I find the funk and art rock arrangements vibe with my city lifestyle. It’s a soundtrack for city folk like me.

On my way over to Ithaca I rolled through Crystal Lake’s Helix and Czarface Meets Ghostface while playing Pokémon. I’m debating reviewing Helix or taking another approach in blogging my thoughts.

People don’t generally read album reviews anymore so how do you engage people to both hear the subject and find substance in your words? Perhaps this requires help from Jake and Andrew. Thoughts for another day.

I really enjoyed bobbing along Czarface’s album almost completing a second run on the plane. So fucking tired of the saturation of trap beats and mumble rap. Far more repetitive, and tiresome, sound motifs reoccur in trap than in metalcore. Fight me.

Again, another day for that. Remembering I’m actually on vacation I need to enjoy myself everyday, not just work. There’s enough time for both.

Swooning

I’m sitting in an airport waiting for my flight to depart. Of course I’m one of those people who shows up early. Regretfully didn’t take down a night cap before leaving. Thankfully sleep’s merciful release will swoon me as soon as my ass crashes the seat. Hoping for as much REM as possible.

Last time I wrote from the airport, I took stock of how far I’d come navigating independence. Dealing with a break-up. Last time I visited a close friend in Japan. Now a girlfriend, a little closer by.

Did not think I’d be saying that going into 2018. I wanted it to happen so badly again but of course these things always happen unexpectedly, by circumstance. I’ll be with her for a week, the most time we’ve had the fortune of spending together. What luck I have the means and time to see her.

I can imagine the future taking shape how wonderful that might be; however, I’ve felt the disappointment of a fizzled future. Enjoy the present. Appreciate the waking moment, it’s already passing. Savor it while it’s happening. The future is… Air!

It’s Been a While

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Photo by ZeroChan. I haven’t written here in a while. Last month was mostly about the football season taking off and the occasional updates in my vinyl collection. I’ve been a bit lazy updating since then. I’ve had things to say but not enough to give me the urge I have now to just type it out here. It’s been a couple of interesting weeks. Last weekend I visited Gund in Sac. The Punkindrublic festival with three fifths of Bro Gang equaled a great vacation and break from the world I live in. Once in a while I enjoy getting away from responsibilities and work to indulge in bliss. The older I get the more serious life becomes and even worse you’re just used to it.

This week I’ve been getting back to work on my goals. I’m really happy with my progress journaling everything in my Best Self book consistently. This tool helps me record my goal, which took me a while to concoct, write some steps and plans to reach my goals over 13 weeks. I have some basic goals but nothing too specific. Some include losing weight, getting a girlfriend, and moving up and beyond my current position at work. I don’t have a certain weight I want, I’m not sure who to quantitate milestones towards getting a girlfriend, and I’m not sure by what date I should be in a new role at work or at another employer. I have however made progress in each department.

I worked out three times last week after a rough prior two weeks. This week I’m going for three again plus a hike this weekend. My goal is to reach 5 times a week. It’s a bit daunting. I did it once last month but eventually I want to go back to back weeks and then a whole month. I know if I eat smart and workout consistently I’ll not only look how I want to look but also feel great too. That’ll help me emotionally have more confidence in myself. I can take pride in owning my body and having discipline. Take pride in doing this for myself on my terms, my way. I mostly hope it helps with women. I think I’m likable as is but if I can give them something better to look at while showing them I can take care of myself too, well, that’s the whole package I think. There’s also a satisfaction for me of consistently doing a task I hold myself accountable for. I’ve invested mentally and financially into this now and I’m working towards achieving.

Hopefully getting a better body will help with dating. I know it will at least help with some confidence. I just need a bit. Enough to just tell someone I’m really interested in them. I make a lot of excuses, some of which are legit, but really I should just go for it. A big thing I’ve learned today from some people I was interested in is to lower my expectations even more and move on when you feel done. I’ve spent a lot of energy on several people since being single and I shouldn’t. Lower my expectations and enjoy what I can but I need to get out there more and put myself in position to find someone who wants me as bad as I want them. I deserve it, and I’m tried of waiting. I’m ready for a girlfriend and hopefully a lifetime partner. I’m at least ready to try dating.

Work has been pretty good overall. There’s good commodore in the group now. When we first moved into our new building there was a lot of growing pains with me adapting to the new people I sit with. It took some time but we have a good vibe now and I’m really happy that worked out for the group. My Self Help book has kept me on target with my professional down to 30 minute segments of my day. I schedule my days and target my goals each day. It’s helped not only keep me on top of my work but also kept me engaged. I don’t get discouraged or frustrated very much anymore. I’m focused on taking the right steps towards building an impressive resume for when the right opportunity comes up, so I can pounce on the chance to elevate myself.

There’s a bunch of great shows coming up too. Tomorrow I’m seeing Wavves and Joyce Manor but I’m kinda disappointed in my co-working I’m going with. This seemed like a great opportunity to get to know her better, hang out before the show, but she’s busy before and admits she’s notorious for showing up late to shows. Maybe we’re not as good a fit as I thought. Like I mentioned before, I’ve learned I need to move on to something else if I don’t get the signs I’m looking for. Next week I get Real Estate with Checchia and hopefully Greg. There’s also Turnover next Friday and then the annual Halloween party the next day. I also have Black Star on Halloween, and Dance Gavin Dance and Julien Baker in December.

I have a lot of goals but this Best Self thing has helped me see my goals and helped develop them. It’s even helped me make new goals through making progress with my current ones. I had my last cigarette on our way home from Sacramento on Monday. I’ve been feeling pretty good since stopping and haven’t missed it. I hope by next Monday’s end I can claim a full week and then look for a whole month and then maybe forever. I think smoking has been a repellent to women. Maybe that’s why someone of the one’s I’ve been interested in don’t seem as interested in me. These things don’t make much sense to me but I hope to be surprised soon. I deserve something really special and real again. Someone else deserves what I can as a partner too.