Friday night I saw Dance Gavin Dance with Amelia and her friends. They’re my friends too. I’m awkward or quiet around them still but I shouldn’t be. They’re super nice to me, and clearly like me. I like them a lot too.
Amelia is going to be my new roommate next week. I’m moving down to North Park, finally. I should have written that here a long time ago but it’s finally happening. Gotta be careful with my bills but I’m doing it.
Going to the show was a bit of a preview. I got to North Park after work, parked at my usual spot, and got City Taco before the show. It felt natural.
Posted up inside The Observatory and met with the squad. DGD played before Chon and definitely showed how their live aptitude. The group of us collectively came to hear tracks off Mothership. They certainly delivered on that.
I was especially happy to sing along with “Betrayed by The Game” followed by an old gem “Me and Zoloft Get Along Just Fine” at the height of the set.
Initially the plan was to see Chon as well but we were all satisfied with DGD and dipped out. It’s not everyday I get to share a meal with anyone anymore. Sitting down with them was an absolute treat. I enjoy just listening if anything.
Caroline and Tristan I gotta say are someone of the nicest people I’ve met in this new stage of my life. They’ve opened their home and friendship to me. It’s so unusual when it happens I’ve almost forgotten how to show I’m even appreciative of that.
They’ll always be more of Amelia’s friends but I really like them. I’m looking forward to seeing them more frequently since Melia will live together.
Strangely I was texting a mutual friend of everyone mentioned, whom I’m attracted to. I think Caroline saw I was texting her at the show. She was looking, I looked up, and she saw smiled but I pretended like it was nothing. Showed no emotion.
Part of me didn’t want anyone to know but at the same time I kind liked that she did. Maybe she told the others. It’s an odd conundrum. Thom York said something similar in an interview or article I read once. Wish I had the source but take my word.
Thom was talking about not wanting to share his personal life or stories but in a way he still shares introspective thoughts and feelings. This partly explains Radiohead’s massive success. They’re clever but not giving away the farm in their music but perhaps provide enough to keep you guessing or at least listening.
Speaking of which, OK Computer came out 20 years ago. “Karma Police” and “Let Down” come to mind right away now that we’re on the subject.
Also on point, a woman I’ve known and had thing with before my ex is actually visiting me this month. I daydream about it a lot now that date approaches. I’m a little nervous but as it gets closer the anticipation…
I feel like all these thoughts can’t escape and they’re going to all explode on her at once. Like I know what I want to do when we’re finally alone and the pleasantries are over. How fast is too fast when I close my bedroom door? I know she told me what she wants I just don’t know how much to reserve or if I should just let it all go.
I’m excited, not scared anymore. The confidence I have now. The fearlessness I feel more and more to pursue what I want. I want her. I want the mutual friend too. I want to try it all.
When I work out I feel my strength increase. The physical improvements become more obvious. I know what I can become and what I am. I want to take my control of my body, my career, my money, my lifestyle, who I want to be with.
I don’t want to control another person. I just want control of everything else I can dominate in order to have freedom, leisure, and peace with a woman I could fall in love with.
Disaesthetic 