Tag: Personal

Bitter, Bitter Red

bitterred

Over the last few days I’m coming to grips with some impending changes in my life. This year has emerged quickly. We’re into February already and I’m looking forward to events through April. In the next few days I may take a leap of faith I have never really taken before.

I’m scared yet ready to take a chance on a new opportunity. Bet on myself. A friends said I’m scared of new changes. To a degree yes, but I’m mostly afraid because I’m not in full command of the situation.

Maybe that’s why I struggle a bit socially. Unfamiliar situations make me uncomfortable initially. If I don’t feel confident in my knowledge of a situation, in the workplace or socially, I won’t know what to do. In some cases I completely reserve myself or come to regret whatever actions I take.

Bitterness is a prickly, prickly, thing. I’m seemingly fighting the same battle over and over again. At least I get over myself better today than I did two years ago.

Despite every negative or positive moment, since February 15th, 2016, one of the worst nights of my life, I’ve come so goddamn far. There’s no need to waste time worrying about past mistakes, regrets, or bitterness towards anything or anyone.

I’ve learned more than I can say about in just a few paragraphs. I take comfort in knowing I know close to nothing. Conversely it makes me nervous as hell, yet I take solace now in embracing the unknown. Jumping into the abyss has built my confidence, opened opportunities, and helped me meet someone wonderful.

Whatever happens over the next few days and weeks I carry no ill will. I’m so fortunate to find myself in this position two years later.

Forever

Gojira Performs At O2 Academy Leeds

Photo by Andrew Benge/Redferns

It’s extraordinary times for Code Orange. They’ve toured with Gojira, Hatebreed, and Killswitch Engage since the release of Forever. It’s a dream come true for a young band to not only play with legends, but get their respect too. Last night I got to see the new superstars devastate The Wiltern in Los Angeles with the heaviest band ever, Meshuggah.

Code Orange’s arrival on stage brought out all the anticipation in the audience to fruition. When they opened with “Forever” the show really began. After two minutes I was indoctrinated into their cult. They played with absolute disregard for anything and anyone. I couldn’t describe their performance at first. It’s not anger, hate, sadness but the transmission of freedom to express our primordial nature. For me, it’s liberation to exhume every emotion, positive and negative.

The first three songs of the set were unrelenting. I felt the ground literally vibrate during the “Kill The Creator” breakdown. You felt no mercy during “Real” when the band and audience in unison erupted “this is real now motherfucker!” Things settled down a bit with “Bleeding in the Blur” but they gave no quarter to anyone.

This was just another night for them, but for me this was a ceremony to join their tribe. It’s a new way to perceive how heavy music should sound and how we expect to experience it. They’re on my list of favorite current bands. Their performance only solidified that position.

Bands who seem like the soundtrack of my life and times stay with me, forever. They’re the kind of band that gives strangers a little insight about who you are.

The Scope of All of This…

The-Scope

It’s been a while since I’ve written anything here. Work and ambition have taken priority in day to day life. I haven’t even spent time putting an LP on when I cook dinner or just hang out in the living room. My goal for the first quarter of the year is to lose 25 pounds. Not even sure it’s possible but I’m motivated by what I see in the mirror. I bought a new belt this week because my old one was too big. By April I hope that belt starts getting too big for my waist as I shred this dead weight from my body.

Since last time I added Of Mice & Men’s debut album, Joey Bada$$’s All-Amerikkkan Bada$$, Scarecrow by John Mellencamp, You Blew It!’s first EP, The Shape Of Jazz To Come by Ornette Coleman, December by George Winston, The Front Bottom’s debut album, and The Lack Long After by Pianos Become The Teeth with their next LP Wait For Love on it’s way. While I haven’t spent as much time dropping the needle on wax I’m still adding to the collection, so much so space is running out.

There’s a lot going on for me right now. The start of the year held a lot of excitement along with some disappointments as well. I’m in the process of making some big personal decisions. Once there’s resolution I can really explain what’s going on but I’m really excited about the future and this year which has only just begun. Last year I started identifying my goals and what I want to achieve. I made progress and this year I’m hoping to not only continue to improve but advance. Achieve my goals.

Thanks for stopping by! I have some album reviews and new adventures in the pipeline. Check out my vinyl & tape collections here and on Discogs. You can also learn a little more about me and read how I experienced this past year and where I’m going.