Tag: life

A Little Weary

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Today wore me out, despite not doing much of anything. After this work meeting with some important people I felt drained. It mostly has to do with resigning from my employer yesterday, effective end of next week. I struggle finding the words for the feel I have, especially with how certain people didn’t know of my resignation.

I’m tired. Can’t explain why. As excited as I am to begin a new journey elsewhere, I’m disappointed my career couldn’t have continued here. Personally, I had proven and achieved so much, yet the opportunities I wanted weren’t there. Nothing is guaranteed, and no one can predict the future.

Despite despondency there’s so much to take stock of. I took control of my destiny professionally. I turned my experience into a refreshing and stimulating opportunity to build upon what I have learned and built on my personal resume.

Ultimately I’m not where I want to be and taking a chance on something new and unknown was the move I needed right now.

No one knows where I will be in a year but I’m invested in learning and immersing myself in this new job and its comprehensive training. They really wanted me and I want to be wanted in life, professionally, socially, whatever.

Maybe it’s relief of all those feelings about my now old job finally dispersing. Talking about it in the past tense dampens me. When it’s all you’ve known for two years, my first full time job, and you contextualize everything from before and during this job, leaving and acknowledging this job’s end makes me grieve for it a bit.

I have zero bitterness for this job, or anyone there. This job let me live on my own for the first time. I got a car and traveled to Japan thanks to this place. I’ll always be grateful to them and those who helped me along the way.

Thanks to them I experienced enough to take a chance on something new. What I will miss the most are those whom I worked closely with for two years. I will miss the professional and personal connections made grinding out great work together. More than anything that’s what I’m bummed about leaving behind.

Now I put this behind me now. I needed to expel these thoughts. With the end nearing I shift my focus succeeding at my new job and remaining committed to my goals.

Bitter, Bitter Red

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Over the last few days I’m coming to grips with some impending changes in my life. This year has emerged quickly. We’re into February already and I’m looking forward to events through April. In the next few days I may take a leap of faith I have never really taken before.

I’m scared yet ready to take a chance on a new opportunity. Bet on myself. A friends said I’m scared of new changes. To a degree yes, but I’m mostly afraid because I’m not in full command of the situation.

Maybe that’s why I struggle a bit socially. Unfamiliar situations make me uncomfortable initially. If I don’t feel confident in my knowledge of a situation, in the workplace or socially, I won’t know what to do. In some cases I completely reserve myself or come to regret whatever actions I take.

Bitterness is a prickly, prickly, thing. I’m seemingly fighting the same battle over and over again. At least I get over myself better today than I did two years ago.

Despite every negative or positive moment, since February 15th, 2016, one of the worst nights of my life, I’ve come so goddamn far. There’s no need to waste time worrying about past mistakes, regrets, or bitterness towards anything or anyone.

I’ve learned more than I can say about in just a few paragraphs. I take comfort in knowing I know close to nothing. Conversely it makes me nervous as hell, yet I take solace now in embracing the unknown. Jumping into the abyss has built my confidence, opened opportunities, and helped me meet someone wonderful.

Whatever happens over the next few days and weeks I carry no ill will. I’m so fortunate to find myself in this position two years later.

The Scope of All of This…

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It’s been a while since I’ve written anything here. Work and ambition have taken priority in day to day life. I haven’t even spent time putting an LP on when I cook dinner or just hang out in the living room. My goal for the first quarter of the year is to lose 25 pounds. Not even sure it’s possible but I’m motivated by what I see in the mirror. I bought a new belt this week because my old one was too big. By April I hope that belt starts getting too big for my waist as I shred this dead weight from my body.

Since last time I added Of Mice & Men’s debut album, Joey Bada$$’s All-Amerikkkan Bada$$, Scarecrow by John Mellencamp, You Blew It!’s first EP, The Shape Of Jazz To Come by Ornette Coleman, December by George Winston, The Front Bottom’s debut album, and The Lack Long After by Pianos Become The Teeth with their next LP Wait For Love on it’s way. While I haven’t spent as much time dropping the needle on wax I’m still adding to the collection, so much so space is running out.

There’s a lot going on for me right now. The start of the year held a lot of excitement along with some disappointments as well. I’m in the process of making some big personal decisions. Once there’s resolution I can really explain what’s going on but I’m really excited about the future and this year which has only just begun. Last year I started identifying my goals and what I want to achieve. I made progress and this year I’m hoping to not only continue to improve but advance. Achieve my goals.

Thanks for stopping by! I have some album reviews and new adventures in the pipeline. Check out my vinyl & tape collections here and on Discogs. You can also learn a little more about me and read how I experienced this past year and where I’m going.