Sports – Disaesthetic

Looking Live at NFL Week 18, 2025

Life… is a game of inches. So is football. These wise words come from Coach Tony D’Amato in 1999’s Any Given Sunday. Tony understood the duality of life and football existed only in inches. The margin for error so small anymore than a fingernail could mean life or death. That, dear reader, is football.

You may have surmised by now I watched Any Given Sunday today, and you’re damn right. The movie prophesied the state of the NFL two plus decades into the future. Hotshot wunderkind offensive coordinators like Nick Crozier vying for the head coaching crown. Managing and disguising concussions so your starters keep playing. The emergence of the Lamar Jackson and Patrick Mahomes prototype quarterbacks in late 2010’s. Sure we had Aaron Brooks and Michael Vick in the early 2000’s, but they were nowhere near what Mahomes, Jackson, or even Jalen Hurts have achieved. Willie Beamen would have kept the Chiefs playoff hopes alive, if he weren’t fictional.

Any Given Sunday cemented several character tropes seen daily on the national talking head shows and in the league today. Dr. Harvey Mandrake needs his own Ballers type mini-series on HBO. Ole Harvey, played by James Woods, loves the action and loves the players, in his own fucked up way. Kind of like Dee Dee Blanchard. “These men are gladiators, warriors!” And according to Harvey, football players made that choice a long time ago. While true, players then and now, understand the physical cost of football they still deserve to know what’s happening to their bodies. Harvey forgot that part.

Jack Rose and his midday cable show dished straight hot takes 4 years before Cold Pizza and a dozen years before Stephen A. Smith permanently sat across Skip Bayless on First Take. John C. McGinley, who portrays Jack, based his performance on Jim Rome, although he reminds me much more of Colin Cowherd and his cowturd take on being a sports media personality.

Most walk away from Any Given Sunday with Al Pacino’s speech as Tony D’Amato. It’s by far what should be remembered at the very least. Life is a game of inches, and so is football. The inches are everywhere around us, and when you add up all those inches that’s gonna make the fucking difference between winning and losing! That’s all I have to say to the following six teams playing this weekend to get in the tournament. Winner takes all. Loser leaves town. Living and dying! Football, dear reader. Now, are you gonna pick the dog? Or Tease the favorites?

Carolina Panthers @ Tampa Bay Buccaneers (-2.5) O/U 43.5

Bryce Young might play a home game in the playoffs. How did we get here? Two years ago he was deemed a bust. Saturday he may help the Panthers win the NFC South for the first time in a decade! The Bucs should have wrapped this division up months ago. Baker Mayfield lead the MVP pack for a few weeks. Since the Ram loss and Baker’s shoulder strain the team has gone 1-4. The defense’s secondary was broken over this 4 game losing streak. Todd Bowles’s voice no longer resonates with his players. The Tampa Meltdown is imminent. I grant you, the Panthers aren’t a steady team. One week they beat the Rams or a healthier Packer team. The next week they blow it to the Saints. The Buccaneers however have found innovative ways to lose for month. This is a team ready to crator. Bowles, who I support, but lost the team, will likely update his LinkedIn to “Open to Work” by Black Monday. This team may see major departures from long tenured plays. The Panthers are ready to meet the moment of tasting the postseason. Panthers straight-up, over 43.5 points.

Seattle Seahawks (-1.5) @ San Francisco 49ers O/U 49.5

How are the Seahawks favored? This is another rat line. I sniffed out some rodenticide two weeks ago when the Patriots “upset” the Ravens on the road. Wasn’t an upset to me. Seattle being favored at home is one thing, but on the road? If the Seahawks win on Saturday and they earn the 1 seed in the NFC. A loss may result going on the road to the NFC South champion. I’m having deja vu… Sam Darnold found himself in the same scenario almost one year to the day while on the Vikings facing the Detroit on the road week 18 2024. This time Darnold is favored. Look, Seattle beating the Rams was probably the best regular season game of the 2025 season. It was incredible and who wasn’t thrilled for Darnold? Sure we all were, but the guy throws interceptions almost every week. Most times multiple picks. The Rams win doesn’t look as good after another stunning loss Monday night to the eliminated Falcons. Rams are trending down, the 49ers have been trending up over a 6 game winning streak. 49ers straight-up, under 49.5 points.

Baltimore Ravens (-3.5) @ Pittsburgh Steelers O/U 40.5

Loser leaves town? More like loser joins the ESPN, CBS, NBC, FOX media carousel. Whoever loses will likely part ways with their head coach. Whomever wins will host the Shakey’s Bowl during wild card weekend, and lose at home. Either way, Mike Tomlin and John Harbaugh will likely be looking for new employment. Both are great coaches, deserve another opportunity, and will have success again, but their time in the AFC North is done. Both teams must ponder overhauling their organization top down. The Ravens and Lamar Jackson have come to another crossroads. There are plenty of rumors but no reports of Baltimore seriously considering moving on from Jackson. There’s enough smoke to indicate discontent among management and his fellow players. Something has to change, but not until their season ends. It won’t end Sunday night. Baltimore’s defense has enough talent to suppress Pittsburgh’s decrepit offense. Snoop Huntley and another 30 carry effort from Derrick Henry should be enough to roll over an ancient Steeler defense. Don’t be afraid to lay the points. Ravens cover, under 40.5 points.

Looking Live at NFL Week 16, 2025

Ding-dong the witch is dead
Which old witch? The wicked witch
Ding-dong the wicked witch is dead

Finally, the Chiefs are done. The bread line… I mean the penalty line is closed until further notice. No more socialist handouts for Jawaan Taylor. No more Travis Kelce tantrums (although I’ve enjoyed two weeks of humiliation). No more glazing for Patrick Mahomes who can’t throw down field anymore, and essentially became a running quarterback. Of course it’s fun to bag on Kermit, he’s still great and I hope for a full recovery, but for the first time there’s adversity. Perhaps some doubt about how he and the organization bounces back. They are not one offseason away from another dynasty run.

Anyways, who cares about teams out of the playoffs. HA! Who am I kidding? Two of my favorite picks of the week involve non-playoff teams, like a real degenerate! Week 16 has a few loser leaves town showdowns and draft order implications. A Colts loss clinches playoff berths for most of the AFC teams ahead of them. The Giants, Titans, and my Raiders, all 2-12, need to keep losing to retain a top 3 draft choice, possibly the first overall pick. While not a QB heavy draft, these squads need all the help they can get from college prospects. They’ll all have new head coaches as well, including the Raiders who are working to put Sleepy Pete Carroll in the bingo club.

This offseason may be one of the most interesting in years. The Chiefs must rebuild their roster from the inside out. While many excuse their offensive line play with injuries, their performance does not meet the standard of a Super Bowl caliber team. Neither does their defensive line. “Chris Jones has lost a step” is a cruddy excuse. Jones is older sure, but he’s still playing at blue chip level. The rest of the defense needs to step up. Also, the zebras won’t be helping Jawaan and his remaining $27M salary.

Joe Burrow appears interested in greener pastures, or maybe Andrew Luck part deux (hopefully not). The Bengals, briefly, shook their “Bumgels” tag for a couple of seasons, but Mike Brown is still the owner. As a fan of Al Davis’ Raiders and a resident of the greater Dallas area I can tell Cincy fans you’ll never win anything while Mr. Brown owns the franchise.

Regardless of what happens in Baltimore, it’s time to move on from John Harbaugh. I suspect we may be in for a Bloody Monday which will also include the Cardinals, Falcons, Raiders, Browns, and should include the Dolphins and Bengals. I have serious doubts Mike Brown will fire Zac Taylor. The DJ may live to spin a few more records in Miami. Anyways, here’s Wonderwall.

Kansas City Chiefs (-3) @ Tennessee Titans O/U 37.5

This one opened at 11.5 before the Mahomes injury. Both teams are eliminated from playoff contention. The 2-12 Titans have more motivation to keep losing to at least reach a top 3 draft choice, despite playing hard each week. QB Cam Ward has started every game this season and playing his ass off. Tennessee’s defense while ranked low by most outlets faces Gardner Minshew, a depleted offensive line, weak running backs, and receivers who wouldn’t start most teams. The defense plays hard and ranks poorly due to their offense. What kind of fight does this Chiefs team have? Not much if you ask me. Say what you will about him, Mahomes kept the offense relevant entirely on his own. Talking heads and blog boys have questioned Mahomes’ leadership, perhaps there’s some smoke, but we’ll find out Sunday how much mediocrity he covered up. I think we’re going to find a black mold infestation. Give me Titans +3 and over 37.5. Man if you took this at 11, walk up to the booth now.

Cincinnati Bengals (-3.5) @ Miami Dolphins O/U 47.5

This pick comes from instinct rather than sabermetrics. Sometimes having kinetic intuition serves one better than analytics. For example last week I correctly surmised to bet against Tua in Pittsburgh on a December night. Now Tua is benched, Mike McDaniel still coaching for his job, and rookie Quinn Ewers gets his first start. Ewers is up for this. He starts at home, gets all the first team reps, and faces a Bengals defense dead last in total defense according to most outlets. His scouting report coming out of Texas was mixed. He gets credit for helping Sarkisian turn around the program, going 27-9, 11-1 on the road. In Texas’ first season in the SEC, Ewer’s last college season, he played 14 games, going 11-3, passed for 3,472 yds, 31 TDs, 12 INTs, 65.8% completion rate. Ewers set records with 1st in single-season 300+ yard passing games (6) for Texas, per CFBStats and NCAA data.

So what about the negatives? He’s criticized for being injured regularly and not having a strong enough arm. Well in the past 12 months Ewers has played little meanful football as a benchwarmer for Miami, and arm strength may be one of the most overrated desired traits. There’s consensus Ewers is a developmental QB, and we know arm strength can be developed. Where does Ewer excel? Short and intermediate routes, which require accuracy and precision. He’s had most of a season learning an offense which leans into quick short-intermediate passes to playmakers. The fins are clearly making changes for the future, and the Bengals? Only thing that’s changed is Joe Burrow’s attitude.

“He’s a headcase” as my dad would say. Burrow is justified to be in his feelings. He’s closer to becoming Andrew Luck and Carson Palmer than he is Luka Doncic. He may be checked out; meanwhile, the Bumgals concern themselves with denying per diem, garage sales, limiting Gatorade to the players, saving on podiums, and google the rest of the stories. Mike Brown is a cheap bastard, and the league will be better off when he no longer owns the team. Until then, they’re the Bumgals. Give me Miami +3.5 and over 47.5. Wrote way too much for this poo poo platter game!

New England Patriots @ Baltimore Ravens (-3) O/U 48.5

How the hell are the Ravens favored? This is a damn rat line. Something’s wrong with Lamar Jackson. I don’t care that he won last week. The guy was 8-12 passing and still managed to throw a pick to the scoreless Bumgals who are done and checked out. Now he faces a tough Pats team, coming off a loss, who needs to keep winning. Yeah I don’t think so. This one will be short and sweet. Patriots straight up and over 48.5. Now, I will acknowledge the public is all over New England on this one (85%). I don’t give a shit. Pats are 6-0 on the road. I do not believe in this Ravens team. This feels like the game that gets John Harbaugh fired. The Ravens feel overdue for big organization changes.

Looking Live at NFL Week 15, 2025

Yeah… so I didn’t keep my promise to myself to write these hook or by crook. Still, no sense in giving up writing. What excuses do I have? I dunno, I got tired. 4 weddings, 8 business trips, and 24 total flights in 2025. Didn’t track my mileage and I won’t do it. My career (thankfully) has finally taken off, the future is bright, and I’ve never travelled more in life. Point is I’ve never watched less football, and yet I have no FOMO. This season has been incredibly… Mediocre.

Ten weeks ago, 40 different QBs had already started an NFL game, the most since 2019. The record for most back-up QBs starting a game in a season was 66 in 2022. This season we are approaching 70 different starting QBs. There’s your moment med-zen.

Since I last wrote, Patrick Mahomes and Lamar Jackson have losing records and will likely miss the playoffs, Bo Nix and Drake Maye brawling for the one seed, Maye and Matthew Stafford scrapping for MVP, and the Carolina Panthers in position to win the NFC South and host a playoff home game. I had Carolina over 6.5 wins but not winning the division. Tampa lost to a desultory Falcons with no direction put themselves in position to miss the playoffs entirely.

I’ll give myself a pat on the back though for my pre-season picks. At worst I’ll be 2-5, at best 4-5, and most likely 3-5. The Raiders, of course, had their annual colonoscopy out of contention months ago.

New York Jets @ Jacksonville Jaguars (-13.5), O/U 41.5

Ok, why am I picking this albatross, poo poo platter, Montezuma’s revenge of a game? If you made it this far, you’re reading a blog about point spreads from an amataur, you degenerate. GamblingProblem.com can’t help you. You’re in! There’s no going back. For us, the action IS the juice! This game cascades like the Epstein files. Spread opened at Jags -9.5 and jumped to two touchdowns. Every media outlet tripped over themselves to report it’s the biggest spread favoring the Jags since 2007.

So why this game? Well what game in 2007 and did the Jags cover? Took a minute but rode my time machine back to December 23, 2007, in Jacksonville when the Oakland Raiders visited Duval County. Whatever the spread was that day, the Jags covered! They smashed the Raiders 49 to 11 behind 3 Jamarcus Russell apple turnovers and 3 Jags rushing TDs. If you look back over the past 6 seasons the Jags have only been favored by 10 points or more once, and failed to cover.

The question is do you trust Trevor Lawrence to cover two touchdowns over third string undrafted rookie Brady Cook? Conversely, do you trust head coach Aaron Glenn and rookie Brady Cook to cover two touchdowns? Did Epstein really hang himself? Why are there so many pictures of and documents pertaining to President Trump in Jeffrey Epstein’s estate? Why are there so many flaws in the Warren Report? Where do the aliens really hide under our oceans? DO YOU BELIEVE?!?! I believe in the Jags -13.5, over 41.5 points. I think you can count on Trevor beating up on the hapless Jets, just like aliens being real.

Minnesota Vikings @ Dallas Cowboys (-5.5), O/U 48.5

Don’t worry, I’m not writing another Joe Rogan monologue for this pick. You don’t need to say much for a Cowboys squad whose record (6-6-1) nearly matches their ATS (7-6). Cowboys are 2-4 ATS as favorites. The line opened at Cowboys -7.5 and haven’t been favored by more than 6 point thus far in 2025. 63% of the public money has gone to the Cowboys, according to the Action Network. Sure, CeeDee Lamb cleared concussion protocol and returned to practice as a full participant on Thursday. Not too confident Lamb will just go off like nothing happened. Minnesota’s defense and JJ McCarthy seem to be getting healthy and have not been eliminated from the playoffs, yet. Give me the Vikings to cover and over 48.5 points.

Miami Dolphins @ Pittsburg Steelers (-3), O/U 42.5

Another short take based on intuition and the fact I have vision is 20/20. Tua is averaging 21.25 pass attempts over their last 4 wins, completing on average 13.5 passes (63.53%). Do you trust Tua on a December night in Pittsburg? Against a team with weird luck who needs to keep stacking wins to win their division? Miami is due for a loss (their owner should be praying for one so they can fire McDaniel), and betting against Tua in the winter elements is money! I started looking to build the stats to support this claim, but was too busy running over state lines to place my bet. This one is my favorite of the week. Steelers cover, over 42.5 points.