When Alone was Charming

What’s your favorite aspect of the 1990’s? Colin Cowherd of Fox Sports and The Volume posed this question to author Chuck Klosterman.

The two were discussing Klosterman’s latest book The Nineties and its ideas about media coverage of Michael Jordan’s stint in Minor League Baseball, Sosa and McGwire’s home run race, and eventually OJ Simpson.

The murder trial, nearly thirty years ago, took the American news media to the apex of the most sensationalist and titillating reporting. A full departure from the days of Walter Cronkite and Ben Bradlee.

Even more frightening, the trial coverage predated the emergence of social media.

In the nineties there were far less avenues to share your opinion and ideas with the world. You had to be ravenous for the spotlight and attention of television or writing.

Social media offers anyone the opportunity to share their face, voice, and words on their local taco shop, Johnny Depp and Amber Heard, or SCOTUS overturning Roe V. Wade.

Most everyone, including yours truly, regularly takes up the mantle to yarl from the mountain top. Do we all participate simply because the means conveniently exist? Or has groupthink and herd unanimity homogenized?

Klosterman’s book and his answer to my and Cowherd’s questions concludes the nineties was the last decade before prominent social pressure to be involved with society.

It was understood to have your thoughts and keep them to yourself.

Chuck Klosterman

If you wanted to engage in public discourse obviously you could, but you didn’t have to. There was no expectation. To be completely alone and isolated with your own thoughts was fine.

It would have been odd to even ask a celebrity like Tom Hanks about the Anita Hill allegations in 1991 yet today Hanks would likely offer cogent thoughts about the public hearing.

An anonymous person, not just celebrities, likely have canned responses and reflexes prepared to avert public scrutiny and shaming. Everyone carefully minds their public avatar. Their brand.

Yes, again, yours truly as well. Just follow just check my instagram story. I pay to keep this blog alive despite reawakening my scribbling.

However, I find myself more content with my thoughts on my own terms rather than persuade, in essence control, the public narrative.

I wish I could just delete my Instagram but I have an abundance of excuse trap cards ready to counter any move. No cop-out I make physically prevents me from deleting the account. I delete the app from my phone periodically, but I just check my account on my laptop or redownload the app again.

Call it social engineering or my desire to share my views. I’m an addict but a self-aware addict establishing my own terms.

Always an opinionated boy, I grew up during the infancy of social media. 2006 was a far more innocent time puddling around on Gaia Online than reading Twitter comments today.

Gaia was a charming first place for me to discover digital connection. Sharing your thoughts back then online was still new, inspiring, and truly liberating, but those days are long gone.

Social pressure to be active in society exists, specifically on the internet. At the same time there’s a brudan of anxiety, humiliation, and sometimes even harm for participating.

CAUTION: ENTER AT YOUR OWN RISK (but you kinda have to)

The nineties was the last time one could be alone with their thoughts and not even imagine there were any consequences for it.

Photo by Pauline Loroy

Don’t Know What I’m Looking For

It’s Memorial Day and I have no plans. I imagine everyone I know has plans to meet up with friends and family, or go outside to socialize in someway. Not this guy (at least not right now). I’ve got nothing planned and hate it every time I’m planless. I knew a week ago I had nothing planned but I always manage to appease my lack of plans and procrastination. Even though I have the time today to do anything I have no clue. I fear wasting time yet I waste it. I fear misusing time yet I waste it. I don’t know what to commit to besides my partner, family, friends, and work. I haven’t committed to something for myself in some time. How or what it is eludes me. One thing I know for sure is I want some reward or payoff for this new passion I seek.

For years I wanted to form a band, release real music, and perform the songs. Nothing long term or career oriented. Some kind of output in records like Texas is the Reason. One full length LP, and at least one 7″. Sounds stupidly ambitious when you have no clue what it would sound like and you lack any musical talent, but that’s what I’d like.

I tried making a newsletter with some friends which was nice for some time but ultimately did not work for me. Out of that I found I might do something on my own like a podcast or my own curated newsletter, but to actually get people to sign up sounds like actual work. I have no desire to use social media. I only have instagram now for limit use. I do like talking about new music and new records I’ve purchased; ultimately, who the fuck cares you know?

Writing this out makes me realize maybe I need to find a new passion project or hobby where I feel some payoff with no one around or involved. People don’t give a fuck and I don’t blame them. Most of us are insanely boring people, including me, and even those who aren’t are pretentious as fuck usually. Recently I’ve only had a few things I enjoy doing alone: reading, listening to vinyl, streaming music and podcasts, and playing Pokemon. Sounds lame and unsatisfying but I do find myself detached. How can I get in tone with my own creativity, find satisfaction, payoff, with easy? I don’t fucking know. I need a new passion. I know that.

Anyways I’ve found some new things I enjoy to listen to.

Lines Sway

Photo: Krista Mangulsone

Feels like I haven’t written a real post in years. I wrote a little piece about the Raiders earlier last year and wanted to write about the team every week; however, it fell by the wayside as I started taking a project management course and then the COVID-19 pandemic broke. The last twelve months have felt lost in some ways. In other ways it’s trimmed the fat and inefficiencies from my life, and shown me what I care about most.

Expending my energies on responsibilities, commitments, and activities that causes unhappiness needs to stop. Sometimes it’s unavoidable but there’s opportunity to stop wasting time and energy on frustrating and unpleasant matters. I’ve not made the most of the past twelves. Certainly tried various experiences and projects to varying results. Recently I stepped back from a newsletter I’d been making with some friends. I’m glad I tried the project but it was a miserable experience by the end.

I felt a little defeated and bummed after but I’m glad it’s over. Doesn’t change the fact I love music and discussing my amateur connoisseur music takes. This seems like the best space I have to share my thoughts the way I want, when I want, how I want, and about what I want. The format of these writings remains unclear at the moment but I wish to write about my current listening rotations, new and old songs/artists/albums, and commentary on my listening experience.

Occasionally I may comment on current, or past, music events and non-music events simply to stroke my curiosity. Either way I want to use this space again for my own benefit. Share with anyone who reads this what I’m listening to so they can experience the same tasty goodness my ears enjoy.