Personal – Disaesthetic

Looking Live at NFL Week 5, 2025

I won’t be watching football this weekend, nor have I watched any this week. I’m celebrating my anniversary. Two glorious years! I jokingly told my wife over crab mac and cheese “here’s to two more years” which she took to mean our marriage would only last two more years… I recovered quickly by claiming I was starting a tradition. Every anniversary I will proclaim “here’s to [insert anniversary year milestone] more years” to expand upon the many positive years to look forward to. She wondered what I will say on our 50th anniversary. Obviously another 50 years! What else? We’re not dying right?

So far I’m failing, hard, at my picks. Rather than blame myself I’ll borrow from Tom Brady’s assessment of the NFL’s current QB’s and the CBA. Today’s college prospects are less prepared for the NFL than ever. While the transfer portal and NIL has provide the “student athletes” freedom to own their own destiny (and rightfully so), college players seem more focused on collecting every endorsement dollar possible rather than develop their skills for the professional level. Obviously most athletes peak at the collegiate level and thus we ought to encourage them to make good on their brief financial opportunities. Still most of them don’t realize they’re not cut out for the NFL and still persist towards the league.

Gone, likely, are the days of a Tom Brady sticking it out at one university and fighting up the bottom of the depth chart to starter. QB’s especially need a certain number of college starts, wins, and pass attempts before having preparedness for the NFL. The Bill Parcell Rules are a great starting point: be a three-year starter, senior and graduate from college, start 30 games and win at least 23, 2:1 TD-to-INT ratio, and complete at least 60% of pass attempts. While these rules aren’t fool-proof (look at Tom Brady) it’s a great starting point. I can overlook college wins if the prospect played with weaker talent but still performed well. Starting 30 or more games over 3 years plus 2:1 TDs-to-INTs on a high volume of pass attempts means more to me.

Cam Ward had 2330 passes in college. Anthony Richardson only had 393 attempts. Ward is on a horrible team with a worse coaching staff, yet watching him on Sundays you can see he’s not the problem. Put him on the Colts at the start of the off-season and he plays as good as Danny Dimes. Richardson would be lucky to make any team’s practice squad.

Add these ill-prepared and limited number of fine college prospects to the current NFL CBA. The number of padded practices during the season and training camp are limited, as well as full-contact practice which also mandates recovery days. Two-a-day practices are extinct. The CBA also limits the length and intensity of off-season workouts and in-season practices to promote player safety. I’m not here to do away with these rules; however, these limitations have constrained player development to a point where it affects the quality of the game and overall the product. The player safety paradigm has swung too far towards safety. The game is inherently unsafe and we ought to accept the obvious truth.

We need relinquish some of these limits, otherwise we’ll continue to look at weeks 1 through 4 has the preseason. The three preseason games we have now do not server to prepare starters for the regular season. Over the past 25 years the preseason as mattered less and less as clubs sought to avoid injuries to star and key players. While preseason games told us little about the teams until week 1 it still served developing rookies or developmental players on the fringe. Doesn’t seem to serve any purpose anymore other than to provide on-air content. These inefficiencies in the NFL product will get better. The game has only gotten better in its history and overcome conflicts like domestic violence and chronic head injuries. It will be a few years before the collegiate level figures out how to control and manage the portal and NIL. The current NFL CBA. expires after the 2030 season. Things will change, but not for at least another 5 seasons.

Anyways, I’m not going to pick every game as I usually do. I’ll give my 3 picks, which will be purely based on gut feeling rather than some research and analysis with my gut. Knowing my luck week 5 will be steller with great performances from contending teams while I drive home from the Gulf Coast. I’m giving 4 picks this week. Just had to. You’ll see why.

Giants +3.5

Eagles -3.5

Panthers +1.5*

Buccaneers +4.5

*Fuck it I’m shorting the Dolphins again!!!

Looking Live at NFL Week 4, 2025

Mabel had anaphylaxis on Monday. Anaphylaxis is a severe life-threatening allergic reaction that can occur in dogs. Histamine and other chemicals are released from the body’s immune system in response to an allergen. Causes of anaphylaxis are insect bites and stings, food allergies, mediciations, and chemicals.

The day started routinely. I woke up with Mabel, equipped her harness and leash, and walked the blocked. She performed her lavatory business, as usual, and I started my work day in the office. At around 9 AM Mabel vomited her entire breakfast and staggered outside our bedroom. A lone piece of excrement in the corner of the hallway to the bedroom. My wife, Lili, an accomplished veterinarian, sprung into action. She checked Mabel’s gums and saw they were pale, almost white.

“It’s probably anaphylaxis.” Mabel began defecating. “I’m taking her to work.” I stayed behind to clean up before leaving to meet my pride and joy, and my wife. A doctor cautiously diagnosed Mabel with anaphylaxis based on her symptoms. Later the blood work all but confirmed it. Anaphylaxis is difficult to diagnose without observing the exact moment a dog interacts with causing agent, for example a wayward ant. The doctor hospitalized Mabel for 12 hours. We picked her up after midnight.

Mabel is fine, but clearly a little traumatized from the event. She didn’t understand what happened to her. Tuesday and Wednesday were spent resting and recovering. Since then she’s back to her old self, thankfully. So how do I transition this into NFL spreads? Poorly, but I will endeavor. The Raiders defecated twos in a row… See! Poorly! Let’s just get into it. The Preseason (weeks 1-4) is nearly over. After this slate we should understand these teams more clearly and better project the remaining three quarters of the season.

Minnesota Vikings (-2.5) @ Pittsburgh Steelers, O/U 41.5

I don’t care this game is being played in Dublin. Pittsburgh can’t run the ball and Aaron Rodgers cannot handle push rush pressure this season. Rodgers has been pressured on 30.2% (ranked 27th) of his 96 drop backs, according to Pro Football Focus, going 6/22 passing, 146 YDs, 1 TD, and 2 INTs. Granted his line isn’t offering adequate protection but in his prime pressure didn’t bother Rodgers, and that’s the point. He’s not who he once was. This Pittsburgh team as it’s been for over a decade is just middling. I really don’t care who is playing quarterback for Minnesota. I trust Head Coach Kevin O’Connell and Defensive Coordinator Brian Flores. Vikings cover and over 41.5 points.

Jacksonville Jaguars @ San Francisco 49ers (-3.5), O/U 46.5

After two weeks of investing in the 49ers I’m shorting them this week. The quarterback position seems incredibly volatile in San Francisco. Sure Brock Purdy has been cleared to start but back-up Mac Jones is questionable and was limited in practice this week. Both WRs Ricky Pearsall and Jauan Jennings are also questionable. Admittedly both teams are a little messy. 49ers beat up on the Saints and failed to cover against the Cards. They were lucky to beat the Seahawks who are looking strong after 4 weeks at 3-1 (3-1 ATS). The 2-1 Jags are 2-1 ATS and are teetering on the “we’re a good bad team” to a good team fault line. Instinctually I’m taking the Jags to cover and under 46.5 points. Just too many points, and the 49ers capricious QB room makes me nervous. Also the 49ers special teams are ass.

New York Jets @ Miami Dolphins (-2.5), O/U 44.5

I don’t give two fucks, I’m shorting the Dolphins again. Sure both teams are 0-3 but the Jets are 2-1 ATS while Miami is 1-2. The Jets could be 2-1. In no universe is Miami anything other than 0-3 and they’ll be 0-4 Monday night. I’m not surprised the Fins are favored. Look at the public treads, most of the tickets (57%) and money (53%) are on the Fins to cover (even more so on the moneyline). People just can’t quit a team that was hot for 11 weeks 2-3 years ago. I’m old enough to have seen trendy teams come and go, like the band Fun or the 15 minute celebrity of Sabrina Carpenter. We’ll forget her in a year or two. We’ll also hopefully forget Chris Grier, the longest tenured GM without a playoff win, who has achieved nothing since his hiring in 2016. Nerdboy Mike McDaniel will be back on the 49ers this season or next as some sort of consultant or coordinate. Miami will dump Tua and his salary like Mabel trying to expel the allergic reaction she had from her anus. The longest-tenured current NFL general manager without a playoff win.

Honorable Mention: Washington Commanders @ Atlanta Falcons (-1.5), O/U 43.5

I texted my dad and my good friend Andrew Murray my picks (I didn’t think I’d finish this blog). I only pick 3 spreads a week but this one really has my attention. The Falcons were just boat raced 0-30 by a terrible Panthers team. After a loss like that statistically teams bounce back and cover the spread over 70% of the time. But this is Atlanta… I don’t take them seriously organizationally on down from their “Super Bowl Winning” GM Terry Fontenot, as Michael Lombardi would say (I miss him podcasting). Washington on the other hand is a well built team and stellar organization. They won easily with Marcus Mariota. I expect more of the same this week. Condoms straight up! Over 43.5 points.

Write It When I’m Here

My wife took a ski lift up the rocky mountains for a girls trip this weekend, leaving me alone with a certifiable kitten, a needy pup, and two apathetic cats. I find being alone more difficult now before I met my wife. Sure, I longed for companionship, but when one has prepared for eternal solitude (never sniffing marriage/partnership/companionship) well… You learn how to pass the time rather than skydiving off a bridge. You read Jonathan Franzen’s How to Be Alone at the park with a six pack. You take long walks across neighborhoods and listen to long-form podcasts. You write pointless blogs like this one.

The days, weeks, months, and years since December 19th 2019 have been the best years of my life, and while I hoped for a life like this I honestly did not believe it would happen for me. Having spent years thinking I would end up alone, and preparing as such, I should have the tools to lean back on during brief periods of isolation (one would think). I look around the house like Vincent Vega in the morning wondering “what now?”

Maybe it’s boredom, a state I abhor, and my wife seems immune from. I wouldn’t say I’m bored often but seems to find me… frequently. I get too caught up in questions of purpose and what external and internal voices call for me to do with my day. What are my reasons for doing things? I think I should workout but I don’t fucking feel like it, nor desire to. Full disclosure, I detest “working out” and physical activity in general. I do enjoy long walks, alone, with my headphones in. Summers in Texas however might cremate me without an urn.

So how do I pass the time when my wife departs for brief periods of time? I scroll through the half dozen streaming services I have looking for anything I might take a chance on trying. Weird how the ubiquity of entertainment makes it less desirable to be entertained. The 90’s and 2000’s were better days when we had a mono-culture and simply less of everything, scarcity.

Well, why don’t you do [FILL IN THE BLANK] and [FILL IN ANOTHER BLANK], or [YET ANOTHER THING YOU’RE SUPPOSED TO DO]. Why? Cuz fuck it, that’s why? I don’t wanna do any of things. But I don’t know what I want to do. I know I want to be with my wife. Or my friends who I all live in California.

Why don’t you make new friends? Cuz I don’t wanna. I like my friends. Also asking other strange men to get up to speed on your weird as quirks sounds scary and an unreasonable expectation. What you realize, in loneliness, your only friend is yourself. The only thing I can find to pass the time are my own crazed thoughts, thinking about things only I seem to care about. Even if I had my own friends here, they would not give two shits about why Gerald Ford was and continues to be a damn important American. Only in my own mind can I deeply consider the former president’s and discuss his vitality to today’s politics.

Yes, the man was as square as they come. A classic republican through and through. I am and remain a registered Democrat, despite the party being a complete embarrassment, weak, and completely in the wilderness politically and in the minds of most Americans. I vividly recall my position on the future of politics on November 7th 2016, the day before the election. Donald Trump was going to lose to Hillary Clinton badly. We had just had 8 years of Obama where had inherited a almost fully collapsed economy in 2008 and by 2016 had turned the whole country around in a positive direction. The Republicans appeared as rutterless as the 2025 Democrats. Republicans were supposed to be in the wilderness for the next decade.

But as we all know, that’s not what happened. The Trump years have taught us Americans don’t require civility nor chivalry in their public officials. Americas prefer strong and wrong over woke and anti-common sense most of the time. I feel comfortable saying this as liberal-registered-democrat living Texas, Americans don’t care about wisdom anymore. Both parties, both ideologies, don’t care about foresight. Neither party, neither ideology, wishes to find compromise in writing the laws of the land, forget about fucking unity. Forget about public service and doing the people’s work.

We miss Gerald Ford. We need voices like his. Gerald Ford was very obviously who he was. There were no secrets about who the man was. He was a Republican, and I am not. 10 years ago I thought the man a joke-pie wrapped in the squarest of boxes, but today, in the context of two separate Donald Trump presidencies, this country desperately needs a healer, someone honest and willing to take responsibility, but most importantly an individual who sees public service as a divine duty. Gerald Ford worked for his fellow Americans and was damn proud to serve.

Write It When I’m Gone dives deep into the life and mind of Gerald Ford and his thoughts about Richard Nixon, Jimmy Carter, Ronald Reagan, the Bushes, the Clintons, Dick Cheney, and Congress. In his private conversations Ford reveals how deeply troubled he was with loss of civility beginning with Newt Gingrich in the House. In regard to Reagan, Ford told author Thomas DeFrank “he was not what I would call a technically competent president” and criticized Ronny’s lack of knowledge of the budget and foreign policy. This scrutiny came not from just Ford’s opinion but from other foreign leaders who shared their concerns about Reagan’s lack of detailed information and generally his detached and disengaged style of government. Ford called balls and strikes about ole Reagan, and everyone else.

While thinking highly of Bill Clinton, Ford honed in on Clinton’s weakness in foreign policy and “skirt at any of the social occasions.” Clinton’s failures to quickly intervene in the Yugoslavian Civil War, particularly in Bosnia, stood out to Ford. The consequences and legacy of the wars remain present in my mind. I have met many of those displaced from that war throughout my life, both in Denmark and in the United States. Clinton missed an opportunity to help quell tensions but also help move the region out of its soviet and communist past into a new future. I’m no expert on this matter but looking at the conflicts created by Putin’s Russia today perhaps if the United States had better intervened in the earlier their influence may have better shaped the region.

Now, back to the “skirt” and Clinton’s dogging. “I’m convinced that Clinton has a sexual addiction. He needs to get help – for his sake.” Not a statement I would expect a former president to ever state for the record, dead or alive. While Ford detested Clinton’s personal behavior, he abhorred the fact Bill would not admit he had lied and perjured himself. This was a deep dishonor and an erosion of the office which serves the public. Clinton personally asked Ford for help after his impeachedment. Just like his decision to pardon Nixon, Ford correctly requested Clinton admit his lie and admit perjury. True to his self-serving self Clinton replied “I won’t do that, I can’t do that.”

It’s quite easy to argue Ford lost to Carter simply due to the fact he pardoned Nixon. Now, I understand Americans being upset at the time with the decision. I was upset with Biden at his own hypocrisy pardoning the middling idiot Anthony Fauci and seemingly the entire Biden clan. However, if Nixon had been allowed to go on as a citizen without a pardon we now know Leon Jaworski, special prosecutor of the Watergate scandal, would have investigated Nixon, indicate, tried him, and ultimately convicted Nixon to jail. Years and years would have been spent on the new trial of Richard Nixon. Both Ford and the country would have been mostly focused on this issue while the country was suffering economically and the C0ld War still marched on. Ford rightfully pardoned Nixon not because he was friend, colleague, and fellow republican, but so that the country could move on, heal, and he could do the work of his fellow Americans.

This lesson and the many lessons from Ford ought to teach us how to move forward as a country and look back at our recent past mistakes. Do I personally like Trump? No. I have never nor would I ever vote for him. But putting him through multiple persecutions was a mistake. Not understanding the state of the country in 2015 through today is a failure of the media, journalists, historians, Democrats, and for most of all myself. I failed to see and feel current wave of the country. Looking back on history and living in Texas has helped me really understand the pulse of this country. Write It When I’m Gone though really took my understanding to a new level.