Sebastian Langkilde

Anniversary Anxiety

It’s almost been two years since some momentous events occurred in my life. I started with my employer and thanks to that opportunity I’ve been able to live comfortably. I got to go to Japan this year, bought a new car, go out whenever I want, and buy whatever discretionary thing I want. Unfortunately two years ago I also went through a pretty painful break-up. I’m still trying to pick up some of the pieces. Thankfully I’m over her and I’ve overcome a lot of the personal trauma that came with the disfunction.

It took longer than I would have liked but time is relative. Looking back I started a reconstructive path rather quickly. Where I’ve fallen short however remains in meeting someone new. I’ve had the fortune of meeting some new woman this year. One I really liked. Most of those however didn’t come from going out and meeting someone. This coming year I need to stay committed to the gym along with going out, even on my own. It may be better to go on my own too.

One personal self improvement I’m proud of this year stands in my discipline to plan. I may have mentioned the Best Self journal before. It’s amazing how much it’s helped me put pen to paper, remember what I need to do, organize my life. I still have room for improvement as far as staying on top of my planning and keeping committed to my plans. I can be proud of how I’m tracking my progress towards my goals.

If I’m not working out like I plan I make sure to focus on it in my journal. I write about opportunities for improvement and what I could do better. It’s helpful to write down all of these events and ideas to reflect on later. Sure, I use my phone calendar to book reminders. I’ve experimented with journal/planner apps but I’m probably the last of generation that still prefers writing down plans.

Early this year I made a goal of focusing on date. My primary idea of making that happen would be in trying to go out on my own. Sit at a nice bar on my own. Go to Balboa Park and museums. Maybe go to the beach. Hike more on my own. I know it can work but I’m also afraid due to my lack of confidence. I’m also the kind of person that needs to feel in control of those types of situations. I need to feel prepared, but meeting someone new out in the world always seems to happen by chance. You’ll never be able to plan for that.

Next year my hope is to meet somebody and make a connection. Orchestrate situations where I give myself a chance make contact. If last year was about standing up again, this year was about learning how to thrive on my own. It’s hard not to grade myself harshly but I’m proud where I am now. I have more goals to meet. I’d like to advance professionally and contribute to my organization at a higher level than I’m at now. I believe I can make difference. Hopefully they see that and present opportunities within the company.

It’s been a good year. Time went by fast. I enjoyed many new experiences. Hopefully more adventures will come along and further galvanize my life. I’ve made so many excuses through fear. If I don’t exhaust my ambition for something I won’t get to enjoy those fortunes. As this anxious anniversary passes by I’m reminded of my reluctance to accept the loss of someone who was in my life everyday. Don’t let regret consume time for revel.

In My Head

Metalcore is one of the most loaded words in music. Much like emo, people assign a lot of meaning, negative and positive. Too many breakdowns. Every song sounds derivative. What’s left to hear? Why even listen? Most “grow out of it” but in reality they’ve just lost interest. Metalcore fails to keep their attention. How can these bands stay relevant? Easy, write great songs, evolve musically. It’s not an easy feat. Metalcore as a genre invites many not adapt enough musically to ever mature, a problem inherent when making music is so accessible. Even with the saturation in all corners of the market one can find metalcore bands crafting catchy and staying projects.

Just this year bands like Hundredth have taken their sound in surprising directs. Like Moth to Flame simply produced an album with no filler, no nonsense songs. Their last album The Dying Things We Live For used every generically reprehensible metalcore element possible. Just another average disc with no staying power, doubling down on anything positive they’d already done. Slow chugging breakdowns, no real structure other than breakdown upon breakdown. I dismissed them as a band, thinking the best was already behind them like many of their predecessors i.e, As Blood Runs Black or Chelsea Grin.

Dark Divine sees the band retooling their entire approach to song writing. “New Plagues” starts pretty heavy but transition into real riffing, something unfamiliar for LMTF, which leads to an open clean choruses. Take note, this is their new formula on the record. Working with new producer Erik Ron, Panic! At The Disco and Four Year Strong, may have influenced more chorus centric and structural song writing. The result makes for extremely captivating coarse voice in Chris Roetter complimented by the band’s ability to forklift four ton metal. “Nowhere Left to Sink” displays this growth better than the rest. They allow Roetter to work his lyrics in early and build toward the band’s best chorus yet. I enjoy the overthinking everything theme. I get caught up in small details trapping myself in the same hole I was already in. It’s a very relatable theme, but incredibly effective in its presentation.

The record focuses on failure, particular in your mind, and how that pit seems bottomless. You’ll find moments like this built for bigger audiences throughout. “Shallow Truths for Shallow Minds” has the universal “whoa oh” chorus which yes one can easily tag as cheap and generic; however, I find the placement within the song perfect and timely. I hope to participate in a live audience for this one. “Empty The Same” goes along like its predecessors, initially, and intervals into some black hole. It’s quiet for a moment but once through the warp gate you find yourself in a Underoath/Oceana breakdown. I don’t want them to move away so quickly from that section. It raises the hairs on my neck like Birth.Eater or Define the Great Line. I’d like more of that darker breakdown.

There’s enough heavy and old LMTF too if that’s all you want. “From The Dust Returned” has you covered. The verses has the kind of bounce you’ve come to expect along with a speaker wrecking breakdown. “Mischief Managed” brings the wood too, which is in line with previous projects referencing Harry Potter. I’d hope “Instructive Intuition” could convince some of the more stubborn heavy listeners to move over to my side a bit. The pre-chorus slide and pull riffing could get me off my ass and into the pit. The chorus is catchy as hell, easy to repeat, and sing along with.

Anyone reading this or listening; give it a full go. It’s their most complete album and anyone can appreciate really well crafted songs. There isn’t any padding or pointless tracks. Everything here ranges from solid to extremely replayable. I make plenty reference to complete albums in my writing and I complement Dark Divine for that. Especially for the style of music where bands have enough trouble making one good song, let alone expecting an entire album. Like Moths to Flame far exceeded probably most’s exceptions this year. Hopefully they swing by my and your town for visit. I wouldn’t want to miss them next time.

New Squads

It’s been an interest last 3-4 months. I’ve done some traveling, flirted on the savanna, facing some adversity professionally, and meeting new people. You look back two years and people you thought would be around forever are across the sea or just strangers. We’ll never speak again and it’s mutual. I don’t look back in anger or disappointment anymore. I’m still learning to look forward. Everyday is a new day. You don’t know who you’re gonna meet and who will be come your friend.

On Saturday I went out with Greg and a couple dudes I don’t see much. Not sure what it was but the four of us had a great vibe going. We’re all pretty different yet there’s a great mixture of personalities. I’m extremely gregarious. Just stoked to have friends visit and chill in my neighborhood. The rest of the boys tell great stories, have great humor, and there’s an easy conversational flow. Perhaps this is the start of a new squad. I’ve wanted a crew again for a long time. I fucked up with Bro Gang when I was in a relationship. I wasted years not hanging with them enough. It’s no one’s fault but my own.

I have an opportunity to build some new bonds with a Bro Gang veteran and some good friends I could get closer with. I’m single now but I’ve learned a lot from last time. I want to make the most of my time now and I need to have strong friendships outside of a future relationship. I don’t foresee that happening anytime soon but going out with friends gets me closer. I’m just glad to have company with these dudes. We’ve got some plans this Thursday to go to Kindred. I have home field advantage. Kindred possesses my vibe like black metal ritual would. Can’t wait to wear my best, look my best, be my best.