Sebastian Langkilde

Recounting 2018

The major chords from “September” by Earth Wind and Fire have roamed through my mind lately. Perhaps the impending close of the year reminds me how unpredictable the journey turned out. How fortunate I’ve been.

Couldn’t predict I’d have a new job nor the challenges it presented; however, I met the tasks and find myself in a positive place. Work empowers my ambition to succeed in more ways than just my personal career.

For the first time in years I’ve made my own friends. Taking better care of my body become a higher priority in my life. I’m extremely proud of the mile stones I’ve reached.

There’s still more to achieve but I look better and better in mirror, and I really like that feeling. I think I’ve defined this year, personally, by reaching for the things I want even if I don’t have the most confidence.

Seizing opportunity, and forgetting any doubts.

I can’t say the year was easy but the struggle(s) strengthened me. It’s rewarding to compare where I am today versus this past January.

My listening habits reflect, in a way define, the year for me. I had a difficult time selecting records and organizing my top ten albums, yet the final list turned out strong just like this year.

Some of my favorite artists and bands made their way back or their first trip to my list. You’ll see some repeaters and some who I’m glad can finally gain some praise.

The Pillows

One aspect that made assembling this year’s list difficult was the lack of time spent with music. I listened to less albums this year compared to the last two. 2017 also had monster releases which have only begun exiting their album cycles.

I’ll remember this year more for new up and comers emerging onto the scene. Establishing themselves so we will remember them and look forward to their next projects.

Perhaps we’re turning a corner in this over saturated climate with advancements in digital platforms and the artists themselves.

Yes, everyone has access to producing their own music now and pour money into promoting it. Bands can find me easily through Facebook ads while uploading their music independently.

This has also empowered brilliant artists of lesser means to reach us. Take This Curse, from New Jersey, a band with a few thousand Facebook followers.

I shouldn’t know about them, but through my digital channels I found a gem. Right out of the gate they show advance aptitude in crafting a diverse debut album of emo, progressive, and metalcore songs.

More on rising up and coming artists next month. In December, I’ll post several lists throughout the weeks to tease my annual top ten albums of the year.

Putting these top lists together has become a tradition for me. I start thinking about the best records I’ve heard some time after my birthday. In my private Facebook group I’ll start throwing out feelers to see what my friends think about certain records.

Facebook has also helped me gauge with my musician friends, of a certain genre, what’s registering, what I’m missing, and more importantly what gems I can keep stashed for myself.

Usually it’s the latter I enjoy gloating about the most. This year I’m feeling mighty about my finds and This Curse is just a little teaser.

Check back December 1st for the best new bands I discovered this year, and return each week for a new list until I start revealing my annual top 10 of the year.

See you next week!

Stories of Fall

Photo: Malachi

Staring at the blank screen after weeks of not writing reminds me of middle school algebra, unable to solve simple equations. The first sentence takes me 5 to 10 minutes until I feel like it’s good enough for me to move on.

The last few months feel like those agonizing minutes yet have breezed by like the rest of 2018. It’s almost my 1 year anniversary at work, I’m hoping to go on vacation early next year, and my ambitious career outlook still remains at the top of my priorities.

Sometimes it’s the only reason I wake up. My current job feels like a stepping stone, yet the days take their mental toll.

My support system always stresses patience, positive mental attitude, and a little amnesia: one work day at a time.

Being sick over the last few weeks certainly hasn’t helped. I’m looking forward to my first day at full health performing at a high level, for my own confidence.

Working in customer service drains the soul sometimes. If anything it’s perfect insight to how we truly treat each other in society.

Enough about work, overall I made great decisions in regards to my career this year. I’m in a better position now more than ever. Thankful for where I am.

Halloween 2018

I’ve had some fun adventures recently. The weekend before Halloween hung around the Wicked Village downtown. My roommate, our friends, and I fully enjoyed the costumes; we encountered a herd of Bob Rosses, played BP with deluxe trash bins, and danced to whatever EDM was played.

One of the perks of living in the city, despite its impossible parking and inflated prices, endures through unlimited freedom of lifestyle.

When life feels stagnated I can use my surroundings to remind myself what my hours at work have bought me. I can eat whatever strikes my mood of the moment. If I want to meet family and friends for dinner and/or drinks they all want to come down to my neighborhood. I’m fortunate to afford such luxuries.

Each year I feel more appreciative than ever. This year has risen my level of gratitude. I’m not just lucky but I’ve also earned what I have through determination and drudgery. As I start to realize this fact my confidence will grow.

Confidence, that’s the missing word lately. It’s the catalyst to improve all aspects of life.

After feeling super congested, lethargic, and weak over the past two weeks I’m hopeful I’ll be close to 100% tomorrow. I’ll have a strong work day and head into the weekend on a high note.

The next few weeks could help me get on a groove. It’s the holiday season. I’ll get a few days off here and there, but even more importantly see friends and family. Some important people are coming home from across the country and sea.

My friend Japan is coming home. The last time he was home we arrived at Gossip just in time for the new year. He and I have too many past due adventures on our list.

There’s one more friend coming home after new years hopefully. I (sometimes) purposely don’t name individuals. Leave you a little vague. You don’t need to know everything but listen to this song.

I don’t need to tell you anything else.

10.6.18

Recently I’ve reflected constantly about the direction of my life. What are my goals? Am I engaging on the right habits to meet those goals? Will those milestones fulfill me?

Some of my motivations come from such negative sources. I’m ready to shed some of these sore memories which have inspired progress but still leave me angry and weak. These goals need fuel from purity.

These goals whether personally or professionally should originate from what I want, not what I perceive society wants. I should want their benefits for the betterment of myself, not society.

I just wrote down some goals and how I plan to pursue them in my personal planner. One goal I didn’t have the space for was finding peace with some of my past. I was able to put my family issues behind me and as a result built up family as a strength. I need to put my relationships with people no longer in life behind me.

Whether it’s ex-girlfriends or people who I fell out with. Taking vindication in anything negative in their lives doesn’t heal old wounds. Maybe taking up meditation can help me detach from those feelings. I need some kind of tool to help me detach from those memories.

Time spent mulling over those people in the end leaves me lesser than I am. It’s not any of their doing. There’s no honor I have to defend or put out into the world. I need to forget it so I can live a more fulfilled life. There’s someone I care about romantically but lives across the country. We can’t have a real relationship in the near future, perhaps ever but I’m ready to wait it out for now.

I have so many of my own goals I want to meet on my own before I’m with someone again. Having a partner sounds incredibly comfortable right now. It’s been a long time I’ve felt embraced and that’s ok. It’s a want, finally not a need. I want to reach a place in my life professionally so I can invest in someone and love them.

I’ve thought a lot about my mistakes and the things I won’t accept from someone again. This person I’m attached to accepts me and wants to be accepted. There’s a liberation of the things I feel like I’m suppose to do. I don’t have to live up to some expectation someone else conceived. I think we just expect the person we’ve come to know.

I know I don’t care other than she seem to love me and I don’t wanna let that shit go. Only a few people will love you in your life. Even fewer will love unconditionally. That’s one thing that separate us. Real love is unconditional. Remember that.