Sebastian Langkilde

I Came As Dust: Birth.Eater a Decade Later

Ten years ago, this day, Oceana’s Birth.Eater came out.

I wanted to write a far more in depth blog about it but life happens…

I’ll say it just off the cuff.

It’s cliche to say music saved my life or changed me. Birth.Eater did change me forever.

The tone of my guitar I’d prefer to sound heavy like theirs.

The lyrics changed my opinion about abortion.

Brennan Taulbee, vocalist and guitarist, wrote about almost being aborted before birth.

The album takes the child, the father, the mother, and everyone’s perspective of abortion.

It was really daring to be like hey I was almost aborted and have not just a black and white opinion on the matter.

My view is similar to Brennan’s. It’s for that individual to choose. It’s not my choice. It’s not the government’s.

No one but the individual baring the child should decide.

Do I like the idea of abortion? No I don’t. I’m never going to make that choice, thank goodness.

The album came at a point in my life where I needed more challenging and truly sophisticated heavy music.

Birth.Eater is still some of the most unsettling music I’ve ever heard and the most unique album of the last decade in my opinion, but like their song “I Came As Dust (I Left As Dust)” they came and went as Oceana under Brennan and now are Polyenso.

But that span of Brennan and Oceana, add their Clean Head EP as well, is one of my favorite periods of music.

They took the influence of Underoath and pushed it in the ambitious direction.

There’s obviously a lot of Christian influence along with a lot of doubt and scrutiny.

I’ve had my own struggles with that. I am an atheist but I wasn’t always.

Sometimes I still feel a connection with my spirituality.

Oceana’s guitar tone, crazy as it sounds, remind me of wholly serenity. The good and the bad. The anguish and love.

“I Came As Dust (I Left As Dust)” in sound and words echoes my exodus from faith. My lament for god.

“Mother Love” cuts like a shark’s teeth. A different kind aggression takes over me when I play that riff on my guitar.

From tone to lyrics, it’s an aimless discord with the world.

“Boa” rattles with such a loose elastic riffing verse and bares one of the great breakdowns without much chugging or reliance detuned guitars.

Taulbee’s cigarette rasped screams fill the space perfectly. Doesn’t need any help. It’s dark and powerful alone.

The message of the entire album is perfectly encapsulated in that moment of Brennan screaming into the abyss alone.

“In Birth” out of all the tracks still stands above the rest. Brennan’s mumbling and quite vocals resonate equally to the profoundly unnerving lyrics.

I’d never heard someone say the things uttered in that song.

How does almost never being born affect someone? This album is your answer.

There’s so much to say about Birth.Eater. Maybe someday but clearly it had such an impact on me. I love it more now than I did then.

With everything going on in America today with abortion Birth.Eater sounds more relevant now than its release ten years ago.

Pokémon Dream Team

Antonio is a Raider

My Oakland, soon to be Las Vegas, Raiders traded 3rd and 5th round 2019 draft picks to the Pittsburgh Steelers for wider receiver Antonio Brown.

Initial reaction, great… We’re adding a prima donna receiver and giving him more money on top of a three year contract. What could go wrong? A lot.

While no receiver of Brown’s caliber or contract length has ever been traded, I have reservations about the move putting the Raiders back into the playoff hunt.

This team needs improvement at every position, including quarterback. It’s uncertain how committed the team really is to Derek Carr. The vibes feel off however if Carr takes full advantage of Brown’s top tier talent he’ll solidify the position.

There’s a lot to breakdown here. Who won the trade? Ultimately both teams. The Steelers get off Brown’s money and personality, opening an opportunity to unquestionably feature Juju Smith-Schuster and build upon their team with more cash.

The Raiders get perhaps the best receiver in the NFL forfeiting two picks this year. I hate to see the 3rd rounder go; however, you have to give something of value.

Is a 3rd and 5th equal to Brown? No, so the Raiders paid of less value in compensation.

Adding Brown will serve as a litmus test for Carr’s future with the team. Carr’s performance was awful last season but deserves another opportunity after a year of transitioning with Jon Gruden and a sorry offensive line.

Look… This team still needs work everywhere, but this line should be better. Gruden claimed injuries dogged the line, somewhat true, yet the team reached on guys like Kolton Miller. OL coach Tom Cable did not produce results as he had in the past.

They’ve had a full season and an new off-season. There should be some improvement, enough to give Carr to throw it. If he still can’t do that it’s time to move on.

I expect Brown’s first year as a Raider to be solid to great; unfortunately, that’s where I foresee his antics replaying themselves.

If the team isn’t competing as he’s used to or Carr doesn’t throw his way lookout for drama. Carr must perform well or the organization has to hope Brown buys into Gruden’s vision…

Whatever the hell it is, and there lies my biggest concern as a fan. Gruden clearly orchestrates every aspect of football operations yet I can’t see or feel the team’s identity, culture, or what its plan(s) are.

If Antonio Brown is your foundational piece to establishing those aspects history is against us.

Perhaps times are changing. Chiefs’ receiver Tyreek Hill might get a $100 million dollar contract. Cannot deny his value to the team’s system and young QB.

Receivers historically just don’t equate to win shares, for example Odell Beckham Jr.

While it’s flashy to have Brown on my team now, certainly the biggest star we’ve had in over a decade, I worry this will mean nothing when it comes to winning games.