Sebastian Langkilde

About to Spider 2 Y Banana These Wings!

There’s never been a more prolific start to an NFL season than the first two weeks of Pandemic football and offenses won’t slow down anytime soon.

Quarterback statistics are insane from mid-tier starters up to Russell Wilson who is completing over 80% of his passes with a 140 passer rating. Rookies Joe Burrow and Justin Herbert, with a pre-kickoff five minute heads up, have both played much better than most anticipated. Neither had a pre-season or the typical off-seasons rookies enjoy. Gardner Minshew looked like he’s sparking out there the first two weeks with a bunch of no name guys.

Why is this happen?

Offenses and defenses had the same off-seasons. There are still good defenses out there in Baltimore and Pittsburgh. The rule changes I’ve witnessed over the last twenty years have fully come into fruition. Those changes had already made the NFL an offensive league; however, with a global pandemic limiting clubs’ time to prepare the game shows clear favoritism towards offense.

This is what we all signed up for.

None of us are watching for the defenses. TV rating history tells us that. Anecdotally this is true. Rams and Pats played the last “bad” Super Bowl. Admittedly I enjoyed watching the defenses execute their schemes and make adjustments until half time. As the game wore on it felt excruciating watching Belichick and gang suffocate the breath out of the Rams.

I doubt we’ll have any such game this year. Every team so far has scored in the double digits.

The league only sells what the fans want to buy. If the public really loved watching defense the NFL would set rules allowing players to rough up receivers and obstruct them from catching passes. Obviously, that is not the case. As long as some of the defenses can stop a nosebleed or at least be competent it’s a great product. Especially if you love betting the lines.

My buddy Andrew and I started recording what has already been an annual affair in our ten year friendship. We will talk on the phone for an hour plus on Monday or Tuesday and react to each game from Sunday. Andrew will recall my infamous Peterman rant which really got us thinking about recording these conversations.

Let me set the scene for you. Raiders’ first season with Jon Gruden bombed. Almost everything he said turned into a meme or an embarrassing moment for the media grind their axes on. We were losing a lot that season and again I was embarrassed. I was driving home from work one December beaten down from work listening to a podcast when the hosts talked about the Raiders signing Nathan Peterman…

I had my window down, stuck in 5 o’clock traffic, and wailed at the radio console “THE FUCKING PETERMAN?!”

At that moment I became completely unhinged. I picked up the phone and called Andrew immediately yammering away. Poor guy could not get a word in to even say hello. My main point of infuriating emphasis was the Peterman was now the fourth stringer. Fourth stringer… Gruden we can’t stop a fucking sneeze and you want another quarterback?!

“THAT’S GREAT WE’RE DEFINITELY GONNA WIN WITH FOUR FUCKIN’ QUARTERBACK?!” Andrew laughed hysterically.

Do I sound maniacal? Absolutely. That’s sports and being a fan, a fanatic. It makes us crazy, but we love it. Otherwise why come back every Sunday in September? I still pace and yell at the tv when the Raiders play. Talk to myself like there’s two of me in the room. Reasoning with myself how we might win this one. When we’re losing I lament how far we are away from hope.

I’m embarrassed. Why the fuck am I embarrassed? It’s just a game. I have no impact on the game. I’m not coaching, GMing, nor playing.

Being a sports fan is completely irrational. I’m all in for another Sunday.

As I mentioned earlier Andrew and I started recording our conversions this season and picking the lines. Minshew was all out of mana on Thursday completely blowing my prediction. I’m glad the Jags weren’t one of my top three lines of the week. I hope to make these predictions a regular blog routine prior to Sundays.

My pick of the week is Patriots over the Raiders -6.5. Patriots are coming off a close loss to the Seahawks that they could’ve won. Great Sunday night game. Raider’s had two close wins and they’re due to come back to earth.

Belichick is not going 1-2. Look for the Patriots to control the clock with an exotic running game and a great mix of passing plays when the Raiders can’t stop the run which they’ve been unable to do in the last two weeks. Cam just needs to hit them deep a few times to loosen the weak Raider defense up.

The Pats’ offensive plan is exactly what the Raiders would like to do themselves, but will not execute today. They will stop Josh Jacobs and force Derek Carr to throw too much against a great Patriot secondary. Bad match up for us. Take the Pats to win by a touchdown or more.

Second pick of the week, Titans at Vikings getting -2.5. Are you kidding me? The Viks are a complete shit show and quarterbacked by Kirk Cousins. Need I say more? I’ll take Tennessee to win by more than a field goal. This one will get ugly earlier if Derrick Henry trucks the defense. I feel bad for coach Zimmer. It’s not on him.

Last pick of the weekend, Lions at Cardinals with Arizona getting -5.5. Again, just say thank you and take the Cards. This is too easy. The Lions are coached by Matt Patricia… There’s not a nickname bad enough for this idiot. Never understood why Jim Caldwell got fired. I’m sure it has nothing to do with him being black…

Anyways, looking forward to week three of football Sunday. Enjoy America. We need the momentary distraction. Monday we’re back to business.

Seabass Bebop

I haven’t written shit in a long, long, time. Seems like years have elapsed since I last attempted this. Never took the time to tell you I reached a monumental goal in my life, or how a global pandemic short-circuited all our lives. There’s not much to say other than this is fucking strife.

For those who know me my politics are well known. There were many times I wanted to sit down and exude all my rage over this blog. Many, many times. Would it have been worth it? Unequivocally no. I’m comfortable admitting this evitable truth now more than another time in my life.

Why? Before I felt weak as if I’d forsaken my 1^st amendment right; however, it’s not worth the scrutiny or the myriad of risks in expressing my thoughts on the status of the country or planet at large. Somewhere Tom Brokaw is taking an afternoon nap mumbling to himself “The world’s in trouble…”

Instead I want to get back to the kind of writing I know and love best: music. Despite a year where Kobe Bean Bryant and Chadwick Boseman passed, the Coronavirus pandemic, abominable murder of Black Americans, and a corrupt President and system 2020 has given us an otherwise strong assembly of records to begin this decade.

The success of Dua Lipa’s Future Nostalgia seems COVID proof as one of the most successful records of the year. One of the few pop records I own on vinyl. Phoebe Bridger’s Punisher became the most unintentionally timely record of 2020. I knew Punisher would be her best work but didn’t expect its lyrics to capture the overall mood of a planet in isolation and self-quarantine.

Looking at my favorite/best records of the year, more than most years, women have pervaded into this world and I don’t see that trending plateauing. I haven’t seen much buzz about Alina Baraz but the music industry should look at her like the NBA looks at Luka Dončić. She could eventually ascend into the higher levels of popularity.

When I read shit like NME saying It Was Divine sounds “bland in comparison” to other contemporaries I can’t help but laugh. Who are these clowns writing for these publications? You won’t find writers like Chuck Klosterman or Hanif Abdurraqib critiquing for these outlets anymore that’s for sure. I’ll buy all your Baraz stock if you’re selling. That record has bedroom jams for sure.

Haven’t seen much press for Lianne La Havas’s self-titled record either. Again, what the fuck are these people doing all day? Just praying corporate planet Billie Eilish puts out some more bland “duh” material? Thanks again Greg for bringing her LP over yesterday. I need my own copy.

Seems like the generation(s) after mine sits on Tik Tok all day casually listening to the Kidz Bop track of the moment. Where am I even going with this? Whether it’s Eilish or some other soon to be irrelevant product music has become like a Tweet. 280 characters, ten to sixty clips, doesn’t satisfy me like a full-fledged album.

Listening to records in COVID times indelibly imprinted on me the importance of supporting musicians with the craftsmanship to sculpt a cohesive piece of art. Good for you if you can get rich off making some flavor of the week banger. There’s a distinction between those people and artists. I respect those that can give me coherence, purpose, and sometimes even longevity; although, I never expect it.

I’m not a critic. I’m just a guy in his bedroom pontificating on the music that matters to him. Music of quality which seems rarer today than it did ten years ago. Back than I remember reading music had never been more saturated thanks to the advent of the internet provided platforms to share music. Equipment and recording knowledge had never been cheaper or more accessible then. Today we’re even more inundated with empty calorie music. I hope to give you the best nuggets I’ve found.

The Song Obsession: Electric Sunrise

Trying something new with this space. Worklife keeps me pretty occupied but I miss putting my thoughts into words. Instead of trying to toil over 1500 word essays; where I eventually lose focus, I’ll write some bite size pieces to stay current with my immediate existence.

I obsess about a new song fairly often. When I say obsess I mean playing that song everyday for weeks, maybe months. I scour YouTube for live performances, covers, and critique of the song. Plini’s “Electric Sunrise” fits perfectly with my short but current obsession profile.

Plini came to me through Periphery’s constant advertising on Instagram, since they are touring together. I was aware they existed but never listened to them. I needed some new songs for the month playlist I curate for myself and decided to give their top song “Electric Sunrise” a spin.

The bare acoustic intro reminds me of waking up early in Denmark and going for a run in my grandmother’s neighborhood. The sun hasn’t risen yet. It’s a bit chilly but not bad, just brisk. Start jogging on roads I’ve known my whole life as the sun wakes up. The main riff comes in, you can imagining Plini’s finger’s prancing all over his guitar, it’s so fucking captivating.

Now the rhythm guitars kick in with epic chords letting you know this run about to get L I T. As the harmonic pinch screams the first rays of sun strike the over the lake and onto familiar grass fields. Plini slides up into a massive chugging rhythm overlaid with his jolting lead melody. This is a run!

I obsess about songs that take me to a place I’m not physically at. “Electric Sunrise” brings me somewhere I haven’t been in nearly five years. It reminds me of a run I went on last time I went home. Unfortunately I came to Denmark for my grandfather’s funeral but for whatever reason that run made me optimistic. Maybe it struck at the right time.

When I hear this song I feel hopeful good things will happen. It hit me at the right time, another reason for my obsession, as important priorities in my life have begun falling into place. Even when some doubt creeps in something else happens to reassure me. The song runs in a similar wave of emotions as the middle section pulls back before finale rises back up again.

The end finishes the way we started with a little more majesty. The lead up to the climax shows how many different textures Plini can funnel into your ears. He’s incredibly dynamic bouncing off reverb and delay effects with impeccably keen timing for when to play the next note.

When the reverse snare starts you can just feel we’re about to go on a great adventure again, a great run, with the lead melody and chugging rhythm returning. I haven’t gotten tired of it since I first heard it about two weeks ago. I don’t think I will anytime soon.