It’s Memorial Day and I have no plans. I imagine everyone I know has plans to meet up with friends and family, or go outside to socialize in someway. Not this guy (at least not right now). I’ve got nothing planned and hate it every time I’m planless. I knew a week ago I had nothing planned but I always manage to appease my lack of plans and procrastination. Even though I have the time today to do anything I have no clue. I fear wasting time yet I waste it. I fear misusing time yet I waste it. I don’t know what to commit to besides my partner, family, friends, and work. I haven’t committed to something for myself in some time. How or what it is eludes me. One thing I know for sure is I want some reward or payoff for this new passion I seek.
For years I wanted to form a band, release real music, and perform the songs. Nothing long term or career oriented. Some kind of output in records like Texas is the Reason. One full length LP, and at least one 7″. Sounds stupidly ambitious when you have no clue what it would sound like and you lack any musical talent, but that’s what I’d like.
I tried making a newsletter with some friends which was nice for some time but ultimately did not work for me. Out of that I found I might do something on my own like a podcast or my own curated newsletter, but to actually get people to sign up sounds like actual work. I have no desire to use social media. I only have instagram now for limit use. I do like talking about new music and new records I’ve purchased; ultimately, who the fuck cares you know?
Writing this out makes me realize maybe I need to find a new passion project or hobby where I feel some payoff with no one around or involved. People don’t give a fuck and I don’t blame them. Most of us are insanely boring people, including me, and even those who aren’t are pretentious as fuck usually. Recently I’ve only had a few things I enjoy doing alone: reading, listening to vinyl, streaming music and podcasts, and playing Pokemon. Sounds lame and unsatisfying but I do find myself detached. How can I get in tone with my own creativity, find satisfaction, payoff, with easy? I don’t fucking know. I need a new passion. I know that.
Anyways I’ve found some new things I enjoy to listen to.
Disaesthetic 