If you don’t already know I’m transitioning into a new job. After 2 years at the old place I found a new home and opportunity to grow professionally. The last two years were so formative for me. I would not have been ready to take on this new challenge without these experiences. While simultaneously nervous and excited I’m reminiscing about where I’ve been and where I’m going now.
Funny that Pianos Become The Teeth put out Wait for Love on my last day. It’s a record about the wonderful people in our lives. I met so many wonderful people at the last job, some I hope to remain friends with forever. This new job will introduce me to whole new world of people I hope to connect with. I can take the lessons I’ve learned about working relationships and foster new and strong connections.
Over the last few years I’ve found more self happiness in redefining myself mentally and physically. Setting goals and making self agreements have become tools to attaining happiness. Learning the only person who can make you happy is yourself was life changing event. Since then I’ve achieved in so many areas I wanted to succeed in.
Where I’m still struggling however remains in romance. Ironically I should learn to Wait for Love but I’m a bit impatient. I’ve had moments of courtship and that’s done a lot for my self-esteem and confidence in myself, yet I haven’t found the connection I’m looking for.
Part of it, I think, has to do with my priorities. Building a career is the main focus and goal in my mind. I’m driven to ascend within an organization. Much like a romantic relationship I want recognition. Covet what I bring to the organization. Still it’s not enough to just be on my own. I can accept being alone but that doesn’t fulfill me.
Work, friends, family, and living my way is enough, but it doesn’t complete me.
I want a relationship to happen organically but I want it to happen so badly. Surely this is part of the problem. Wanting to meet someone now but unwilling to wait. “Dry Spells” from Wait for Love resonants with me. Kyle Durfey talks about infatuation with someone and wanting more than whatever he’s referencing.
I find myself in the same enigma. I’ve met a couple of people and wanted more of their time. More of their affection. I can’t tell if it was there or not but I wanted it.
As of this moment I’ve only met one person in the last two years who captured my attention away from work, my faults, and everything else on my mind. She took me. Sometimes I don’t have the words to fully describe my emotions so I use songs. “Love on Repeat” sounds in music and words how she made me feel for a moment. I’m still looking for that sensation again, and I haven’t it felt since.
Nothing’s to blame and maybe that’s the point. Wait for the right person at the precise moment. One of my greatest fears in life is missing that opportunity. Fail in the moment. Perhaps if I can learn to let go of those fears this will become easier and weigh less on my mind.
I wanna end this by just pointing out a conversation I heard about love. These women talked about wanting romance, intimacy, and courtship, not sex necessarily. I want all of those things too, especially courtship.
Maybe it’s just American society but in this culture it seems nothing’s going to happen unless I make a move and attempt to court someone. I’ve come to accept that despite having some reservations about it. In Denmark, where I’m from, woman seek men just the same as men. Criticize me if you wish but that’s exactly what I want.
It’s nothing to expect but if someone proved just how much they wanted me by their actions she’d have my heart. That’s what I want simply put. To be wanted as much and in the same way as I want them. Recognizing that is easy. What’s hard is having the patience to let that happen organically. Waiting for love to happen.
Disaesthetic 