Over the last few days I’m coming to grips with some impending changes in my life. This year has emerged quickly. We’re into February already and I’m looking forward to events through April. In the next few days I may take a leap of faith I have never really taken before.
I’m scared yet ready to take a chance on a new opportunity. Bet on myself. A friends said I’m scared of new changes. To a degree yes, but I’m mostly afraid because I’m not in full command of the situation.
Maybe that’s why I struggle a bit socially. Unfamiliar situations make me uncomfortable initially. If I don’t feel confident in my knowledge of a situation, in the workplace or socially, I won’t know what to do. In some cases I completely reserve myself or come to regret whatever actions I take.
Bitterness is a prickly, prickly, thing. I’m seemingly fighting the same battle over and over again. At least I get over myself better today than I did two years ago.
Despite every negative or positive moment, since February 15th, 2016, one of the worst nights of my life, I’ve come so goddamn far. There’s no need to waste time worrying about past mistakes, regrets, or bitterness towards anything or anyone.
I’ve learned more than I can say about in just a few paragraphs. I take comfort in knowing I know close to nothing. Conversely it makes me nervous as hell, yet I take solace now in embracing the unknown. Jumping into the abyss has built my confidence, opened opportunities, and helped me meet someone wonderful.
Whatever happens over the next few days and weeks I carry no ill will. I’m so fortunate to find myself in this position two years later.
Disaesthetic 