I listen to Colin Cowherd almost everyday after work. In his daily “Opening Rant” Cowherd usually shares a personal anecdote to relate to one of many sports headlines of the day. Today he went in on Kevin Durant’s recent public exposure he’s still sore about his time in Oklahoma City. Quick back story, Durant was caught using “ghost” social media accounts to argue with trolls and detractors. Colin wasn’t “perplexed” by Durant’s behavior and I wasn’t either after his argument.
We learned last summer of deep personal discontent between Durant and Russell Westbrook and the rest of the Thunder organization. Everyone got exposure to what Durant likely wanted private. Cowherd related Durant’s public scrutiny to a public divorce. There’s a new chip on his shoulder and desire to prove sports fans and media wrong about his decision. Kevin has nothing to prove. He won a championship, was the best player in that Finals, and solidified himself as one of the best to ever do it.
Durant’s not unique among other greats though. Cowherd used a favorite NFL Film’s clip of mine. Tom Brady, now a five time champion, wept when asked about the day he was drafted. I stamp this as Exhibit A for why Brady stands as the great quarterback ever. Even now, and then too, falling to pick # 199 vexes his core. It’s helped motivate five Super Bowl victories and a wealthy life. I look and think about his story a lot, personally.
I’ve never written this publicly. My biological father gave up his parental rights to me when my parents divorced. Did you read that? I said gave up, not terminated, which is the proper/legal phrasing. I still feel like he gave me up. Now I’ve forgive him but never told him that. I may never tell him. We haven’t talked in over five years. I don’t know why he did it and at this point I honestly don’t want to know.
He was probably 27 or 28 years old, not much older than, and he fucked up. I fuck up, all the time. He made a mistake. It doesn’t justify it for me but I understand he fucked up. He was young and I’m certain it’s probably his biggest regret. While I’m really proud of myself for forgiving him and moving forward I cannot deny it still infuriates me. Like Brady and Durant, I’m bigger and better than my scars but they’re always there and I’ll never forgot the shame and abandonment I felt.
Those negative feelings have motivated my personal success more than anything else. I’m just being honest. It almost disgusts me how adverse my motivation is, but it’s taken me to places I didn’t think climb to. A therapist told my mom and dad (stepdad) how lucky they were I was on the trajectory you’d want your kid. Looking back on my school days I can see some many classmates and former friends that never escaped the emotional rut of a broken home or simply themselves.
Like Cowherd, we’re both children of divorce. I think there’s something about the abandonment and failed marriage, for me, that changes you forever, like leaving an everlasting crater. When that pain comes back through bad parenting, friends cutting you off, and girlfriends leaving you I’ve struggled to overcome those… I call them failures. They’re really disappointments and learning experiences but some side of me, perhaps my ego, sees them as failures.
With every “failure” comes a new challenge to rise up and overcome. I’ve made it. It took longer than I would have liked but I did it. The hardest hurt to get over was a break up. Seems like lifetimes ago. It’s negative and positive at the same time. I unfortunately compare myself and measure where I am in life. Conversely it’s pushed me to succeed where I didn’t think I could. I hope in achieving my goals I can leave behind abandonment once an for all.
What I herd today from Colin made me see I can put my pain to rest. I’ve committed myself to lose weight, and I have. I’m making progress in my career to climb up where I want to create my best work.
Disaesthetic 