Daydreamin’

I’m losing my mind. I think it’s just staying up here too long. I was daydreaming about achieving marriage and fatherhood. I don’t know why I have this urge to commit myself for life to someone or have children. My therapist said was a hopeless romantic. Maybe so but I want those things. Those dreams fulfill something in me. I’m a child of divorce. Perhaps I’m trying to rewrite the narrative of my upbringing.

I love kids which makes that dream easy to have. I want my kids to have their father for as along as I’m here. My fathers weren’t always there nor the best. I will show my kids I love them. I’ll tell them and I’ll be there until my life ends. 

I think being with someone will fulfill me in ways I can’t fulfill now. I’ve been fortunate to have intimacy since being single but it’s not the same. I don’t feel what I felt before. I have a lot of ideas and few opportunities to share company but doesn’t mak me happy. Maybe momentarily but not for long. 

For now I’ll day dream. I’ll work hard at work. Grind at the gym. Resist my urges for bad food and cigarettes. I can feel I’m on the cusp of a turn around because I’m tried of feeling unfulfilled and as happy as I could be and will be!